SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT A BLOG I DELETED IN FULL

Today with a heavy heart I wrote exactly how I was feeling about my life in general and how disconnected I had become from nearly everyone in my life.

It did me good to put it into words and I meant all of it but somehow, perhaps being a little too soft, I deleted what I had written in case I should hurt anybody's feelings. This regardless of the fact of just how much mine may have been hurt over past months or even years in some cases.

Earlier this year I was very sad and ended up in hospital as a direct result of this sadness. This may sound somewhat nonsensical but I am sure I am right in saying this. If perhaps I had sat down then and written about how I feel it would have helped me a lot and I would not have become ill. Even tonight I don't feel all that wonderful but am sure I will get through and come out the other side of it.

Even though I have deleted what was written earlier today I still feel the same way but in order to save the feelings of others it is gone from their sight.

I still have my dear other half and he has me and for that I am very thankful and with that I must be content. I also give thanks for my computer through which I do have some contact with others, some of whom are really great people and I am thankful for that contact.

HIP REPLACEMENTS & MRI

A while back I was talking about having an MRI after bi-lateral hip replacements. What I wrote at first was correct as it is apparently about which part of the body is being viewed on the MRI that is important. If it was my head then I would apparently be OK as the lower part of me would not go into the machine. I could not have the lower part of my body go through the machine because of the metal implants. Just wanted to clear that up and say that what my physiotherapist told me was absolutely correct. She just didn't specify why, where etc.

P.S. TO MY LAST POST

Was at my exercise group this week and mentioned about the metal in my hips and having an MRI and two people said they had had MRIs....one who had had a knee replacement and the other a hip replacement. Seems I may have been misinformed about the dangers of me ever having an MRI. Will have to seek further information about this subject as feel it is important enough to know the exact truth.

A STARTLING REVELATION

As those who have read earlier blogs of mine will know I have had 2 total hip replacement ops in the past 15 months. I needed a new Medic Alert bracelet and when speaking to the lady in Adelaide about this she said that "Bilat THR" should most definitely be shown on the medallion and we made it so.
I mentioned this to my physiotherapist recently and her response to me was rather startling: "Yes in case of an accident or similar it needs to be known about your hip ops because if you had an MRI it would kill you". Of course it is magnetic resonancing and you are not allowed to wear anything metal when you have an MRI. I hadn't eveen thought about that but I can now imagine what two lumps of metal (one in each hip) might do. No, I prefer not to think about it but should perhaps tell all my family "just in case".
After hearing this from Jenny my dear hubby several times afterwards would ask me "You do have your Medic Alert bracelet on, don't you?" Don't worry it is on my wrist all the time except when I have a shower but then perhaps I should wear it then too. Who knows,I may just slip and fall in the shower. Sorry, that is just my weird sense of humour taking over. I am sure all will be well but I wonder why we are not told about these things by the medical profession.

DO WE GRIEVE FOR ANIMALS MORE THAN PEOPLE?

That may be a strange question and yes, of course we grieve for family members and friends that die but......I was very sad when I heard that Sam the koala had to be put to sleep 'cos she was very ill - who will ever forget the wonderful pics of the fireman giving her water to drink? - and then this month I felt much sadness when I heard of the death of Mr Percival the pelican from that fantastic movie 'Storm Boy' made in South Australia 1976. He was 33 and he'd had a great life at the Adelaide Zoo with a nice wife and had fathered a number of children.
We see pictures of animals being rescued from some pretty weird and wonderful places and are so relieved they are OK and recently when our dear cat Henry died suddenly in his sleep not only us but our family and friends expressed their sorrow when they heard about his demise. Some of course would say "but he was only a cat". To us of course he was Henry.
What worries me is this....are we being desensitised about what happens to humans, particularly adult ones? There is so much violence depicted on TV (if you choose to watch) and in movies (which I definitely choose not to watch) and then there are those dreadful videos games that young people play where they seem to have the desire to put someone or something to death. On top of all that we hear daily of people being blown up by terrorists and the like; all to what purpose one can't help wondering.
I am beginning to despair about the future of the human race, apart from global warming, because of all the events that are taking place everywhere. I personally cannot understand why people hate each other because of race, religion etc., but then I have always tried to live by the philosophy of "live and let live". I try to respect other peope's beliefs even if I don't understand or agree with them but feel they are entitled to believe what they will as long as those beliefs don't impinge on the lives of others.
I think most of my family members are reasonably tolerant of others but even then there are exceptions which I feel is a pity but it happens.
I don't have many years left on this earth (I am now 77) but I would like to think that there is hope for the human race for many centuries to come and that peace and understanding will take over before total destruction of all that I love about this world takes place.
I have no control over any of it but wish I could leave my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren a legacy of loving each other and living peaceful lives for many years to come.

WHERE IS MY LIFE HEADING?

I began this blog some months back with the intention of airing my thoughts and even going through my life with a series of What If's? It is now one month since I last wrote and I am beginning to think my brain has run dry of worthwhile thoughts. Sounds a dreadful thing to say but when I read blogs by others, including my daughter and granddaughter, I find the words no longer come for me. My daughter writes of being inspired by the seasons as they change and similar things. Why do I not have thoughts of that kind. I guess one day is much like the one just gone or the one that will be tomorrow.

Where exactly is my life heading? I plod, and I mean plod, along day after day getting nowhere in particular and feeling rather useless to myself and to others. I can sit here in front of my computer and have loads of fun but where does that really get me? I am not going anywhere and nor is my life. There are so many household tasks I should be doing but 'cos I can only stand for short bursts I don't tend to do them because I know it will hurt. When sitting here there is very little pain so it is tempting to do this all the time and forget those chores that cause me to ache. Not a wonderful way to look at life but at nearly 78 years of age I begin to wonder......what am I still doing here? I have lost so many dear ones over past years that there's only really me left of all my close friends and relations and my family are great but they are always very busy with many other things to attend to. I am only one person and cannot expect constant attention. I have a wonderful, loving husband but he is approaching 80 years of age so cannot expect him to be on the go all the time either. We are so fortunate to have each other and I in particular to have him. We both have our health problems but together we manage to get on with life, such as it is. We help each other all the time. We seldom have visitors nor do we have anywhere to go that attracts us. They say we should get out and socialise to keep healthy but why must we do so if that is not what we want to do. I keep my mind active if not my body all the time so what else should I do?

This may sound like lots of moaning and groaning but it is not meant to be as I am a quite happy person my nature and love to laugh. Unfortunately these days there is not so much to laugh at as there once was....not even any really good comedy shows on TV. I mean straight comedy not people constantly taking the mickey out of other people and being rude and using bad language. Guess you can say that all this does show I am getting old and I won't say the good old days were always the best but......perhaps in many ways they were.
I sound depressed but I am not but I'd best stop here in case anyone who may bother to read this become depressed on my behalf. Please don't be as I am grateful to have been granted the number of years I have been on this planet but it is going to be an uphill battle to reach the age of 95 but I shall keep on keeping on as well as I am able. The house may be a little dustier than in previous years and the weeds in the garden not dealt with as they once were but they are incidental to what life is really all about. We will get on with it and plod along until....................

95 you ask.........I have always said I would be around that long just to he an annoyance to others. I think the old mind just might last out but not sure about the poor old body but with today's medications who knows??

LOOKING BACK AND ALSO FORWARD

Not a What If? this time; well not really.

I realised last week that we had already lived through 7 months of this year and the time is flying past far too fast. I move very slowly these days so the days appear a little longer 'cos it takes me so long to do things. Nevertheless, 7 months have disappeared as in a flash.

It has long been my desire to live and be a nuisance to people until I am 95. The first part is true but not the second (well not really). That only gives me another 18 years and during that time I will become more decrepit than I am now. I can still do a number of things whilst sitting and a few things while standing as long as I don't stand for too long. Walking for any length of time without my wheeled walker is pretty well out of the question so don't get out and about much but this is not a complaint....just a fact.

My daughter recently looked back over the previous 12 months when she celebrated her birthday in July. I have been trying to look back over the past 77+ years and wonder what, if anything, I achieved during those years. OK I've had 2 marriages (the first not so good, the second extremely good) and 2 children both of whom I love but one of whom I haven't seen for nearly 8 years. I am so fortunate in having a loving daughter but she of course is a working girl and has children and grandchildren who demand quite a lot of her time. She can only spread herself just so thinly and I do cherish the time when I do see her, such as us taking her to lunch on said birthday in July. We at least managed a few hours together, the memory of which I cherish.

I also had 6 grandchildren and I feel we did enhance at least some of their lives (and they certainly enhanced ours) by having them stay with us quite often and also taking them on holidays several times,which I know they enjoyed as much as we did as they still talk about those times.

Financial stress sent me back into the work force for many years untiil a car accident put paid to that so I didn't live the life of an ordinary housewife and certainly enjoyed the positions I held over 20 odd years. I guess my working did mean help to family when needed and also those wonderful holidays spent with the grandies. I really didn't want to work but money was short so no choice. I even managed to wangle a half day off every fortnight to spend with my daughter and first granddaughter when there were problems in their lives. Eventually I was able to job share week on and week off and that was a great experience. I regretted having to leave the wonderful job I had but these things happen so no crying over spilt milk. Why that silly young man had to run his truck into the back of my car I will never know but.....it happened.

We (me and my other half) had two glorious holidays in New Zealand during the early 1980s (oh, to go back to that fantastic country again but we are too old now) but the memory of the times spent there are still very fresh in our memories.

I have lost so many people (family and close friends) over past years that it doesn't bear thinking about but think about I must as I miss them so very much. My dear old Dad died 38 years ago and my darling Mum 24 years ago but they are still very close to me as are so many wonderful people I have known and spent quality time with. One can only wonder at times "Why am I still here and they are gone?" No answer to that one as all happenings in life are pretty well random events and we have little control over most of them. I believe it is called the "Chaos Theory" and that certainly sounds like me....completely chaotic most of the time. You probably can notice that in my ramblings but that is just me....my dear husband says I have a 'butterfly mind' flitting from one subject to another : ) Well, why not!!! There is so much to think about all the time.

I wonder if I will still be able to use a computer when I am 95? Now you could call that a "WHAT IF?"

WINTER BLUES VERSUS SUMMER JOY??

I must admit I do love winter although I definitely do not like thunderstorms. Of late I have noticed quite a number of people complaining about grey skies, windy conditions, rain etc. etc. It seems that grey skies can cause depression among certain people and I am sure this has been scientifically proven, however I never feel depressed at this time of year. I do love autumn and spring weather when the temperatures range from 20C to 25C (my perfect type of weather) but I also don't mind when the days are cold. I can rug up to keep warm but can never get cool enough during hot weather which for me is anything about 30C. My ancestors came from northern Scotland and Denmark and I often stop and wonder can our genetics actually have an effect on our preference for even the weather. I was born in Western Australia so should by age 77 be climatised but don't think that will happen at this late stage of my life. I wonder if others out there find constant blue skies and hot, hot days as depressing as others find the grey skies of winter and the rain and wind that comes with that season. An interesting thought.

DIABETES & THE PROBLEMS IT BRINGS WITH IT

I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in June of 1996....quite a surprise but didn't change my life much at the time apart from following the instructions re exercise and diet I was given. Six months later my other half was also told he had Type 2 diabetes but his was 'worse' than mine with much higher initial readings and he was immediately prescribed tablets to take and of course similar instructions to mine about diet and exercise. He is fortunate in not having arthritic problems and he can exercise quite well and still plays golf although in his 80th year now.
Unfortunately his diabetes began to get worse over time and it was decided recently that he should begin to inject insulin twice a day (before breakfast and before dinner). He had to wait about a month to see a diabetes educator to instruct him on how to inject the insulin plus other important issues. This didn't help as he was apprehensive about whether he would manage OK but eventually he had an appointment and off we went to meet Kylie who was really great and put him at his ease.
All began quite well and surprisingly he has no problem doing the actual injecting but of course now has to test his blood glucose several times a day and that is where the problem arises. He is getting some quite weird readings (some higher than expected and some much lower) at different times of the day and now we (and I say we 'cos my help and support is vital to him) have to try and determine just what he should eat and when and why does his blood glucose go up so quickly and drop so quickly at other times.
It is going to take several weeks to set a pattern for him to get in control and I know this is getting him down as I think he thought once he was on insulin most of his problems would be solved. Life, of course, is never as simple as one thinks it will be but I know we will get him there eventually and we once again will be in control. One must never let an illness take over if it is at all possible to take control of it. This is not always possible with some illneses unfortunately but I do think in this case we will get there and achieve some type of stability once again. Here's hoping so anyway as I love my 'other half' very much and hate to see him down in the dumps. He probably thinks I am being a bit 'bossy' at times but I do have to make him participate in setting himself a routine as I can't do it for him but can only watch and advise and help as much as I can. Just another little ripple in a reasonably tranquil existence.

WHAT IF? #4

I am not getting back to blogging as often as I intended but here I am again with another What If? and this is one that certainly could have made my life quite different in the long term.
I had attended a catholic school from just before the age of six until I was nearly 12 and I absolutely loved it there. I am not catholic and there were only 2 protestants in my class through the 6 years I attended Victoria Square (now Mercedes) College. I thought the nuns were wonderful teachers and lovely people as well and my one ambition was to go to the "BIG" school once I finished primary school level. I would have gone to the big school the year I was 12. I dreamed of going through to do my Leaving Certificate and perhaps even beyond that to university.
Towards the end of 1943 it was decided that all children (which included protestants of course) who attended the school would have to participate in catechism (religious instruction) classes. My mother was horrified at the thought as she definitely did not want me becoming a Roman Catholic. In her infinite wisdom she removed me from the school I loved and enrolled me at Perth College in Mount Lawley (a school run by the Church of England). It was quite a traumatic happening in my life as I did not enjoy attending the school although I did make 3 friends there with whom I enjoyed some good times during my school days. There was a shortage of teaching staff owing to WW2 and I did find that many of the teacher seemed to pay particular attention to the girls from the "better" families (those with money). My folks were comfortably off and dad was making a good living for us but I have always considered myself a quite ordinary person and hate snobbery of any kind. All this certainly changed my life as I couldn't wait to leave Perth College and made up my mind I would set out to do be an office worker and become a secretary (shorthand typist). Towards the end of my 2nd year at PC I found I would have to attend Perth College for at least another 2 years to achieve this end so pleaded with mum and dad to let me go to a commercial college. My pleading resulted in me in attending City Commercial College for a year when I was 14 where I obtained my Commercial Junior Certificate. I enjoyed it there and was actually offered a job as a junior shorthand teacher but being a rather shy person I didn't fancy having to be in charge of people possibly even older than myself. I found an excellent position in insurance and even spent 6 months working for the Commonwealth Government in Melbourne when I was 18. I have always been glad I learned shorthand and typing.
All the above sounds quite satisfactory but my big WHAT IF? is this: Had my mother not had this fear of me being converted to catholicism I would have spent all my school years at Mercedes and possibly even gone on to university. The strange thing is that through all 6 years at Mercedes my friend Shirley Ponsford (the other protestant student) and I always sat at the back of the classroom during the catechism lessons so surely if I was going to be converted it would have occurred anyway. I couldn't convince my mother of this fact and so my life was changed in quite a significant way. This may not seem a big What If? but it has always been at the back of my mind through the years and remains there still.

WHAT IF? #3

I snuck in the last What If? as it occurred when I was only about 6 years of age and this one is when I was aged 12.
For a number of years I had been "not entirely well" with pains in my side etc., and had even been put on a non-red meat diet for a year or so as it was thought I may be suffering from kidney problems. You must remember this was in the 1940s and the tests available today certainly were not available then.
In January, 1944 I stayed for a week with a friend in Waroona and when I returned home my health really deteriorated quite rapidly. Really chronic stomach pain, temperature, vomiting etc. etc. A very good GP (Dr Guilfoyle) came to see me a few times but couldn't fathom out what was wrong. Finally, in the last week of January the pain stopped but I was obviously extremely ill. The doctor called an ambulance and arranged for a prominent specialist to operate that night. I was taken to St John of God Hospital in Subiaco and incidentally shared the ambulance with a lad from up the road who had rheumatic fever!!! It was war time and there was a shortage of ambulances in those days as there was with so many other things.
Mr Gill, the specialist, told my parents he would operate but did not know what he would find. He stated though that if he didn't operate before midnight then I may not live to see the following day as I was in a rather bad state.
My folks sat for an hour or more waiting and finally Mr Gill came and told them that I had suffered a ruptured appendix which would lead to peretonitis and a lengthy stay in hospital. The reason that no doctor had been able to diagnose appendix problems was because mine was situated up near my right kidney and Mr Gill said had it been much closer it would not have been possible to remove it without damaging the kidney. Mr Gill called in to see me the following morning after which he left on his annual holiday.
I continue to think: What if my GP hadn't been so on the ball. What if Mr Gill had already left on his holidays? What if the appendix had burst while I was still on holiday in Waroona? I spent four weeks in hospital and it wasn't for a week or more that the doctors were able to say I was actually out of the woods. It was not a pleasant experience with quite some pain involved but one thing I will say is that the nuns (all the nursing staff were nuns in those days) were so wonderful.
This is just a further example of What Ifs? in my life that remain with me to this day. Some results, as in this case, turned out to be very positive....others didn't, as you will see in further stories in this series.
I hope you enjoy them but I think it does me good to relive them. Sometimes refreshing memories can be very good for us....sometimes not so good.....but although I try and always live for the future all these experiences are what make us what we are today so why not go back from time to time and relive them?

MORE WHAT IF'S

To continue with my series of What If's, I think about how my adoptive parents were farmers at Narrikup (near Albany) at the time of my adoption. They were doing reasonably well regardless of the depression etc. When I was 4 years of age my mum had a major operation followed by complications (thrombosis etc) and was extremely ill. The doctor said she should no longer continue to work on the farm as she had previously so mum and dad decided they should head for Perth, walking off the farm with their personal possessions and a few pounds in their pockets.
Eventually dad got a good job with Rawleighs and bad times turned into good but my What If? in this case is this:
What if mum hadn't become ill, the farm had continued to prosper following the depression and we had never moved to Perth when I was nearly 6 years old? I would have gone to the local school and then possibly high school in Albany. I may have married a local farmer and stayed for ever in the Narrikup area.
It is certainly a big WHAT IF? I think I would have loved to remain in the south-west and make my life there but there was no choice so instead I became a city girl and have remained so for over 70 years but I think my heart really still is in the country. I love those big wide open spaces and always will.

WHAT IF????

I hadn't realised just how long it had been since my last post. Haven't been in the humour for writing. We both had nasty head colds that lingered longer than we hoped they would and there have been a few medical appointments that take up time (one of the privileges of being old...you to get to go out but mainly appointments with doctors, physios, podiatrists, eye specialists etc. etc.....you name it we do it).
I have lately been thinking a lot about various events in my life and decided to try a series of WHAT IF's???
To begin with WHAT IF my birth mother had been able to keep me even if she didn't marry my father??? He abandoned her (denied I was his...no DNA testing back then unfortunately) and her father told her "to have the baby, forget it had happened, get back home and get on with her life!" Now her father was a detective in the police force and I am sure would have had knowledge of backyard abortionists he could have sent him daughter to visit. I believe he was quite a religious Church of England gentleman so would probably have considered abortion to be a sin but WHAT IF he didn't feel that way? Yours truly would have been no more. I am not religious but must be thankful he was if that perhaps is the reason I am still around.
Again if my mother had kept me with her I would have immediately had 2 aunts and 3 uncles and a set of grandparents....and later there would have been a large number of cousins as well .... quite a large family. My adoptive parents only had one other child (my father was widowed when his son was only 4) and my half-brother was 20 when they adopted me. No other siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents in Australia so what you might call a very small family. My half-brother eventually married so I had a sister-in-law and two nieces. I think I would have been quite a different person had I been brought up in a large family but would it have made a huge difference? We are born with a certain type of personality but I do think family, environment etc., do have a big influence on what a person is like as an adult.
Of course my adoptive parents had emigrated to Australia in 1920 but WHAT IF
they had decided to go to Canada or similar instead of coming to W.A? I would have had other parents who may not have been so loving and caring as mine were.
It makes me realise just how fortunate I am. I may not have much in the way of money or worldly goods but I've had so many things go my way in my life that I can only be thankful most of it happened the way it did.
Next time the story of me not being too well at about the age of 12 and WHAT IF?

ALCOHOL....THEN AND NOW

I hear and read so much these days about young people (in particular)binge drinking and can't help wondering why? What for? I am sure older people do it as well but it seems to be the young ones we hear most about.
In my teen years in particular I don't think any of my female friends actually were drinkers of alcohol. Maybe if we were heading down to the Embassy Ballroom to attend a ball we would pop into the Palace Hotel for a Pims or similar and that would be it. I can't even remember us drinking alcohol at the ball and our tables usually had large jugs of lemonade squash for all and sundry.
We used to dance a lot....usually twice a week at different tennis clubs and as mentioned above the occasional ball when we dressed up in long dresses with quite often a flower in our hair or on our gown. We also played tennis, walked a lot, went yachting and simply were so busy being busy I feel alcohol wasn't required to keep us happy and contented. We had far less money than most young people today; if they could afford to do so some of the young fellows would perhaps have a beer or two at the local on a Friday night. Remember also that the drinking age back then was 21 although those that looked older than they really were would still sneak in. I think the publicans were more inclined to ask for proof of age and there were no photos on driving licences so am not sure how people would prove how old they were. I think you even had to be 21 to be in an hotel in those days. I remember a friend being asked her age and she was only drinking lemon squash. I was actually under age on that occasion (also drinking lemon squash) but I wasn't asked my age as I always did look older than I was. Can't remember how Mary proved she was 21 .. did we vouch for her and he believe us. (she really was 21 and I was 18).
Very few young people owned cars back then so if we went out on special occasions the boyfriends would borrow their father's cars and then wouldn't dare to drink and drive for fear of what would happen if something went wrong and dad found out.
I am not saying we were goody-goodies...we weren't ... but our lives were so full of wonderful things to do that we didn't need the stimulation of alcohol.
One confession I must make though......a lot of us smoked but remember we had never been told it was bad for us. I don't think many of my girlfriends smoked but I think nearly all the fellows I knew certainly did. I asked my dad when I was 17 if he minded if I smoked and he said "It's your money" and that was that. Back in the 1960s my husband used to get bad bronchitis and was quite a heavy smoker. I had the opportunity to stop smoking when I developed a rare migraine headache so I decided to stop in the hope he would stop as well. It worked and he hasn't smoked since 1970. I relapsed for a year or two but I haven't smoked now for over 30 years. No problem giving up....you just STOP!!! It's not all that easy but you just need to do so and you will succeed.
Not sure any of the above makes sense but I still find it difficult to understand why all this binge drinking is happening. Can somebody out there please explain it to me? I am really interested to know what makes them do it.

THREE GENERATIONS NOW BLOGGING

It is great to discover that there are now three generations of us all blogging away in our own distinctive way. My blogs are few and far between and being written by an 'oldie' probably don't hold a lot of interest but I do it anyway!! My daughter is able to express herself more completely than I do and is an expert with words (perhaps we older people are a little too reserved at times?) and now my granddaughter is writing about being a young mum with her experiences along the way. I have just been checking our her blog and find it particularly interesting and I so in agreement with her views on children. I had had nothing to do with babies or children before my daughter was born when I was 23 (in my teenage years there were two nieces I only saw occasionally) and here is Christie with her vast experience as a teacher etc. I can only wish her well. She too has a wonderful way of expressing herself and I look forward to reading all future blogs. I love you both so much.
P.S. I now realise of course that Immy has had her own blog for some time so there are actually FOUR generations doing it. I hope Immy will keep her own blog going as well.

Trying to get back into writing mode

Well, here it is 8pm on Sunday, 24th May, and it is two weeks since I was last sitting here adding to my, what probably is a very boring, blog!!
We have just about completely recovered from this vicious head cold we had...boy, did it linger on with me eventually having to be on antibiotics for a nasty cough that had developed.
Last Sunday we paid a visit to our eldest granddaughter, her husband and their delightful 15 month old daughter....our youngest great-granddaughter. My daughter and her other half were there as well....a delayed Mother's Day get-together postponed from the previous week.
We had a most enjoyable afternoon, sitting outside eating cake and drinking coffee/tea and having so much fun with the little one. Her folks have made her this wonderful cubby house (complete with door and window) out of a huge cardboard carton and she loves being in there and peeking out the window and laughing so much when we say 'boo' to her. Shows that one doesn't need to spend a fortune on toys when such simple things as carboard boxes can bring such delight. Of course she does have lots and lots of toys from family and friends and is a very lucky little girl and enjoys playing with all of them.
I have been thinking seriously about what I may write about.....have already put forward some ideas but I often wonder why would I bother? I have many thoughts on many subjects, both serious and not so serious, and I guess it would be a good idea to get them out of my head or system as the case may be but......perhaps before long I'll get in the right frame of mind to pursue many subjects as they come to mind. Best I can say for now is "Watch this space". Wonder if anyone ever does though? Does it matter anyway? Not really.

CARING FOR EACH OTHER IN OLD AGE

My husband and I are at present 77 and 79 respectively and have very few associates, and family members are usually rather busy although there are a few of them who are always there for us without question.
What I am trying to say is that in everyday life he and I are there for each other. He has been wonderful playing mother after my two recent hip replacement operations and I try to be there in little ways too...reminding him to take his medication which he sometimes forgets, putting in his eye drops each night (he has glaucoma) and those little important things which are necessary as one ages.
We are now in the process of recovering for really nasty head colds...he was the first to come down with it and I tried to care for him to the best of my ability...then it was my turn and as he recovers he is doing his best to care for me.
In my mind I hope when the time comes that I go first, but recently when he was worried about me following my operation he told me (after much questioning) that "I just can't imagine life without you!" so am I being very selfish in not wanting to be here without him?
I feel I am more dependent on him than he is on me but he disagrees and says he would be lost without me, so I guess we both see things from our own corners.
Most of our friends have departed this mortal coil and neither of us feel like breaking in new friends. Once you reach our age friendships are established and one cannot expect others to accept you into their established circle of friends of many years.
This is our second time around as far as marriage goes (his first one lasted about 11 years and mine lasted 13 years) and in our case the second time around has proved to be fantastic and this year we will have been married for 42 years. We try not to think of how many more years there will be. We don't live in the past but try and live for today and hope there will be a future ahead for some time yet.

HOW OFTEN I WONDER...................

....should I write about how I feel, about the past, my hopes for the future? Is it good for me to put my thoughts into print (THEY say it is good for us to do so) or should I keep them in my head and mull them over without sharing?
I often think of my adoptive parents and how good they were to me through the years of my youth (and beyond in my mum's case); about my real parents and what life would have been like with them. I don't really think that 'what if's?' are good for us as events that we had no control over are long past even though they may have shaped our lives in some small, or large, way.
I think all the time of my children and their families and how wonderful it would be if my son was still in contact with us and give thanks that my daughter still is even though at times we may drive her to distraction. That happens in families as different generations have different points of view, although eventually the next generation often comes to realise where the oldies were coming from.
This blog of mine would be a wonderful outlet for my thoughts as they meander through my head so perhaps it is time I worked out just what it is I would like to 'talk' about and how much of it I need to get out into the open. Perhaps I'm a little old for any soul searching to be of much help to me or anyone else and living in the past may not be good and yet maybe....who knows??
None of the above may have made much sense but I at least know what I'm on about which I hope will be helpful to me if to nobody else, at least for the present.
So....all I can say is this "Watch this space".

THE LOVE OF FAMILY

What would we do without it? Our lovely daughter and her, also lovely, eldest daughter are coming to the rescue of we two oldies. Pop has to go to hospital tomorrow for a procedure and, as I am still not driving after my last hip replacement op, we were wondering just how we would manage it. Checked out taxi prices...gee, they are high these days....but thought that would have to be the way to to solve the problem even if we probably would be $50-60 out of pocket. Then, our daughter telephones and says "About Thursday....I have a meeting at work that day but can get off for an hour or so in the afternoon and I will ask "CB" if she could drive over and take Pop to the hospital in the morning".

This has relieved us both of a huge dilemma....I was feeling I'd let the dear old chap down as I'm not driving yet......but thank goodness there are still some in our family that are always there for us. These two are very precious to us and, not only that, we will also spend a short time with our gorgeous great-granddaughter as well; me the longest as, after dropping Pop at the hospital, they will come back to me for a cuppa before heading home again.

I don't think these two precious people will ever know how much all this means to us. Most of our close friends have departed this life and others live so many kilometres away that we were somewhat stuck, but not any more. Thank you so much.

Yes, I know, I really must get back behind the wheel. Just a case of regaining lost confidence I guess. It's such a jungle out there on the roads these days but if my aunt could start driving again when in her early eighties (my uncle, at 86, had decided his driving days were over) then I can do it too. I will. I will. I will.

GOING SHOPPING....AGAIN

This may sound such an everyday occurrence to many people but it has become quite an adventure for me to go to the shops over past months as I can't walk too much or stand for very long.

Tomorrow my oldest granddaughter, with her little girl, is going to pick me up and we are going to Spotlight as both of us want to buy some items that only they seem to have these days. Not many shops cater very much for those who want to sew, knit and crochet. We have a new Spotlight not far from our home and I am looking forward to visiting it.

I know this sounds a very mundane event but to me it means just so much. I am going somewhere I really want to go and with someone who is taking the trouble to pick me up and bring me home again. She will never know what it means to me to have her do this. Another day for me to look forward to and I hope all will go well.

MY MOTHER'S SLAVE BANGLE - VERY DEAR TO ME

As many people now know, I was adopted when a very tiny baby. The story about who I am and about my natural parents is too long to recount here but one little story I would like to tell is this.

Eventually, when in my late 60s, I met some of my birth mother's siblings which was a real thrill for me and they were so very nice to me, and accepted me without question, which made it even better. My mother had died prior to this and when I met an uncle and his wife for the first time, she brought with her a gold slave bangle that had belonged to my mother. She also gave me some lovely photographs of when my mother had been a bridesmaid at a couple of weddings and in these photos she is actually wearing the bangle on her upper arm.

I was telling my physiotherapist about this today and said I thought people would perhaps think me silly, but I had hung the bangle on the post at the head of my bed so it was always close to me when I slept, and occasionally I would take it and give it a polish to keep it bright and shiny. After all it would be all of 80 years old now as my mother was born in 1910, nearly 100 years ago.

Unfortunately, I was never able to meet my birth mother but I feel that this bangle is so personal to her that having it there makes me feel closer to the woman of whom I am very much a part of. It is to her that I always quietly say "Thank you for giving me life. No matter what the circumstances were regarding my birth you chose to have me. If you had known me I would like to think I would not have been a disappointment to you."

I had wonderful adoptive parents but theirs is another story for another day.

A WEEK THAT ENDED FAR BETTER THAN IT HAD BEGUN

After having missed half of Easter in hospital and missing out on seeing any of my family, the week has certainly ended better than it began.

I've been taking it quietly (do I ever do other than that these days?) as I was told to do for a week after my angiogram. On Friday our lovely daughter spent three hours with us which was fantastic. She brought me a beautiful bunch of Sweet William which 4 days later are looking as fresh as ever. I've never seen them for sale as cut flowers before but would certainly recommend them. Must ask her where she bought them but I think it would have been in Fremantle and thank you my darling.

On Sunday our oldest granddaughter, her hubby and their delightful 14-month-old daughter (our youngest great-granddaughter) came for afternoon tea. It was wonderful to see them and I was actually able to pick the little one up and pop her on my knee. Not that she wanted to stay for long as she is a real live wire but it was just great that I was able to do it after all this time. I was able to give them their Easter eggs (others had to be sent on to grandies via their mum...I am sure they got them O.K.) and GGD knew just what to do with her little rabbit....but darling you are not supposed to eat the silver paper as well!! AND who was it pinched my apple??? Your mum didn't know you could eat a whole apple did she, but she soon found out you knew just how to tackle it. I think she might still cut them up for you untiil you are a little older...just in case.

Today I actually went shopping (took my walker of course) and had no real problem which was also terrific. We decided to have a light lunch so had some delicious hamburgers at a little cafe we often visit. They were really yummy too.

My granddaughter had told me yesterday that she wanted to learn to crochet so I bought her a lovely book on that subject and also some yarn same as she'd seen at my place and liked so now she can also do the knitting she was wanting to do. Nice to have someone in the family that is that way inclined....likes to knit, sew and crochet which are pasttimes/hobbies I've always enjoyed so much. She will possibly be better at them all than I have been as she has a wonderful imagination.

So....the week ended on a better note and with much of tonight's dinner already prepared things are so far going pretty well. The old ticker still skips a beat, or pops in an extra one, whichever it is, but why worry about that....I was told that I am okay so why not believe what I'm told. Who am I to argue with experts??

A Strange Week To Be Sure

Nothing could be more accurate that the heading on this blog.

Easter came and I saw not one member of my family except my husband and he and I exchanged Easter eggs. I gave him a Lindl 70% dark chocolate egg and he gave me a dark chocolate rabbit and I only ate half when everything went pear shape.

I still don't know what went wrong but my blood pressure shot right up, my heart was beating fast and all in all I felt rather unwell. I rang the wonderful people at the 1800 medical help line after about 30 minutes and, after I spoke to them for a few minutes, I was transferred to the ambulance personnel. They told me to stay on the 'phone and they would be there shortly.

We have rather a narrow driveway so they backed the ambulance in as far as the gateway and they were wonderful the way they cared for me. Eventally I was able to more or less walk to the ambulance and they must have spent at least 15-20 minutes stabilising me, doing tests, etc. before taking off for Fremantle Hospital.

I stayed in the Emergency Department until after midnight when they took me up to the Coronary Care Unit. I had blood tests, ECGs, you name it I had it!!! Had to have bed rest the next day but fortunately could have a shower in the afternoon which made me feel a little more human.

Tuesday...surprise, surpise...."you are going down for an angiogram" and I was so fortunate that the specialist was one I had seen previously and, in fact, had done an angiogram 18 years previously. He is such a delightful chap and he discovered that the old ticker is in pretty good shape for an 'oldie'. Nice to be told that and off I went home that evening. Didn't have time to feel nervous at all but my poor old back suffered having to lie on it and keep rather still for about 3 hours after the procedure.

The conclusion on my part is that I am just a bit of a ratbag that has strange things happen from time to time and as my dear daughter said "just stop worrying about it" which is what I will try to do. May not stop these episodes happening entirely but worry certainly won't help so good all round advice. Thanks : )

Yesterday (15 April) would have been my mum's 112th birthday. My daughter had already put a lovely little post on her own blog with a photo and I added a comment to that to hopefully both compliment and complement that blog.

As I said it was a strange week. Thinking about my mum as I have been doing so much these past two days I just may get around to doing a post about her and perhaps my dad too. Two very interesting people so.....watch this space.

RELIGOUS OR NOT RELIGOUS..DOES IT MATTER?

It is 1pm on Wednesday, 8 April, 2009..

This comment could upset some people but I sincerely hope they read it through thoroughly and take in what it is I am trying to say. I think it is the advent of Easter that has probably brought these thoughts to the front of my mind.

I am not religious....have tried to be but have failed. Although not from a Catholic family I attended a Catholic college from the age of 5 through to 11 and although I did not take part in the catechism lessons the other non-catholic girl and I always sat at the back of the classroom so, of course, heard the whole lesson anyway. Even at that tender age I found myself questioning a lot of the beliefs that were being taught to the other students, i.e. a baby is born with mortal sin on its soul..."How could an innocent little baby have mortal sin on its soul?" I asked myself. Unfortunately, being a rather shy child I didn't query this with the nun who was taking the class. My daughter many years later did actually question much that was taught by the by nuns (she too attended a Catholic college but from age 13 to 15 which probably made a difference...a little more cheek at that age!!). She actually passed Divinity (forget the proper name of the subject) as a Junior subject so something certainly sunk in. She lives a good life and tries so hard to do right by everyone in her life which is not always easy.

My father was an atheist and my mother had been baptised in the Baptist church in England when she was 15. I did attend Sunday School for a short while when I was about 8 years and then from age 12 to 14 I attended a Church of England college where, strangely enough, we had to attend chapel every morning before classes began. Why did none of this religious teaching 'rub off' on me?

When I was nearly 12 I decided I wanted to be christened and also change my given name. I don't know why but we went into St George's Cathedral in Perth and saw Dean Moore. He christened me and then I was confirmed a few months later. He was one of the most wonderful men I have known in my life and was fantastic with young people. I used to go into Perth every Sunday morning to attend the special Communion service that was for younger people. Dean Moore would even tell people that if they were on their way to the beach then to come in their shorts as they were always welcome as long as they were decently dressed. He would tell them they didn't need to dress up but 'just come here first".
For some reason even with all that, religion itself failed to grip me.

When about 15 or 16 I attended St Hilda's C/E in North Perth and was actually asked by the minister to become a Sunday School teacher. This thought horrified me (I preferred to go yachting on a Sunday anyway) and for some reason from then on I drifted away from going to church altogether. I didn't know enough to teach at Sunday School anyway so would have failed dismally.

Many years ago I even attended a Billy Graham presentation at Claremont Showgrounds (it was packed) but when the time came and he said "Come on down" I wondered at the number of people that made their way to the front. Why did I not feel anything at all? What was wrong with me?

I have always tried to live my life doing unto others as I would like them to do unto me, definitely honoured my father and mother, tried not to lie and am a pacifist so would not kill or injure anyone deliberately. These are the beliefs that most religious people live by but what makes them religious and not me?

Mother Nature I feel is what controls our planet and much of what happens to us and even the specialist I had for the birth of my two children seemed to have that belief as well. I know he was a Roman Catholic but when my daughter was born prematurely and I asked him why, his reply was "Mother Nature knows what she is doing. You were heading for problems so she took over and now you should not have any problems." Mother Nature obviously took over two years later when my son was also born a month prematurely!! Happy to say both babies grew up to be healthy people.

I do not say I am an atheist as I do have my own (perhaps peculiar) beliefs but I do not feel the need to pray to a higher being for, to start with, I doubt any deity would have the time to bother with a mere mortal like me when there are so many other needy causes. My mother (who you could be considered religious to a certain degree) once said she believed we lived our heaven or hell on earth and perhaps she was right.

For some reason I don't feel I am lacking anything in my life. I don't want to die but know I must eventually and the thought doesn't frighten me. Just later rather than sooner please.

I love to take time to see the stars at night, the flowers that bloom and nature itself I find so wonderous, even though at times it can be quite violent.

I sincerely hope I have not upset anyone by what I have written today and that was certainly not my intention. I just felt I needed to get this out of my system and try and explain more of who I am or am not whichever way you look at it.

Incidentally I have friends who are religious ranging from Roman Catholics through to protestant and not one of them has ever tried to change my beliefs nor would I ever consider trying to change theirs. We appreciate we are all different and leave it there. I feel everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and if they feel better for having those beliefs then I am glad for them. As long as people didn't fight about those different beliefs the world would be a perfect place. We must have respect for each other; that I feel is the most important thing of all.

To anyone who reads this I wish them a happy, safe and peaceful Easter.

WILL I EVER BE RIGHT??? ARTHRITIS

2.30pm Tuesday, 6 April, 2009.

I am really beginning to wonder if I will ever do or say the right thing!!! Are people today becoming more sensitive; is it the pressure they are under in these uncertain times? I do and say things quite innocently at times and with no ill intent and seem to be always treading on someone's toes and, boy, are they quick to remonstrate with me about whatever it is. Surely I am entitled to my opinion without being made to feel that whatever I think is wrong. Can people no longer agree to disagree and get on with their lives with no hard feelings?

I was chatting to a dear friend yesterday (yes, she too is in her seventies) and she said she was feeling exactly the same way. We agreed one can say something quite innocently and before long you seem to be landed right in it. Is it because we are now too old to be considered as having any brains and what we say is utter rubbish and we need to be taken to task about it?? She and I are certainly bewildered by people's reactions. Is it because we are elderly that we are now to be treated like naughty children who should be seen and not heard??

In my life I always thought I had tried not to deliberately say or do anything that would be too hurtful to others although I realise that some things I have done have certainly not always been to other's liking. That is unfortunately true, but sometimes, for one's own survival, it is necessary to take certain steps that are going to impinge on other's lives.

This apparently was the case with me having left my first husband when my children were still in primary school. Many years later my son, who had always been particularly close to his step-father, suddenly decided to stop having contact with all members of his family apart from his wife and his two children. That was over seven years ago and although the hurt has lessened I am still awaiting an explanation of why this occurred. Did my son have a sudden brain storm and blame everyone for 'something'. He has a lovely family, a terrific home and a good job so I can see nothing that we had done years ago that could have caused this sudden break.

This is what I mean about things that one does that obviously have an affect on other's lives, even if years later, but are unavoidable at the time they happen. If I could speak to my son today I would apologise if it had upset him but it would still have happened. I have written to him but have never had any response at all.

I am very grateful that I have this blog where I can air my feelings but I think that is enough for now about that particular subject. What I have said above will probably come back and bite me on the backside but I had to get it out of my system and, so there!!! I have done it.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had the doctor write me a script for Panadol Osteo which I had doubts about but thought I'd give it a go. She said to take 2 tablets night and morning but I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that as you are allowed to take 6 tablets daily then why not go the whole hog? I have now been taking them approximately every 8 hours for about 5 days and I think they are actually taking the edge off my pain. It has not gone, nor will it ever go completely unless I take strong painkillers which turn me into a zombie, but I will persevere with the Panadol Osteo and hope for the best. Even a slight lessening is better than none at all. Not sure one should take them ad infinitum but if I stick to the prescribed dosage hopefully all will be well.

WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN PREVIOUS POST!!

Oh, no!!! it happened again. I obviously click somewhere on the keyboard and whooosh!!! the blog has gone. I really must try and sit up straighter and concentrate more.
I am having an issue with bad language being 'out there' so much. I guess it is because I was brought up in a home where nobody swore at all, nor did they drink for that matter. I don't think I ever heard my dad use a swear word and the worst thing my mum said was "jam and plaster" which actually was said instead of "damn and blast it". When I was about 19 mum heard me say 'bugger' when something I was doing was going wrong and the look she gave me meant I didn't say it again : ) (My mum said Dad actually could use bad language and that I had just never heard him when the cows on the farm they had wouldn't go through the gate into the other paddock. She said the air would turn blue so obviously he could control his language at other times and in front of people).
Some of the expletives used on TV, in film and by family and heard occasionally in passing from complete strangers, are getting a little out of hand. My husband and I enjoy a show on ABC on Friday nights and we really like the chap that plays the main character "Rebus" but even in that show the "F" word is heard at least 6-10 times in the hour and worst of all the lady boss who is well groomed, well spoken etc., uses it and it just doesn't sound right coming from her.
I know my grandchildren (admittedly they are all over 25) use that "F" word as well as others but I just wish they would try and control it a little especially when it comes to actually putting it in print.
Now, please don't take me for a "Goody Twoshoes" as I do swear at home and I actually blaspheme (now that is a big admission eh? and I know some people would be horrified with that) but I do try and control when and where I say it and feel I have a good enough command of the English language not to use those words too much in general conversation when at home.
Strange thing about 'blaspheming". I went to a Catholic school for 6 years and I can remember the nuns exclaiming and saying things like "Holy Mary............" etc., which apparently is not considered blasphemy by then and that has always confused me somewhat.
My family will tell me "Oh, you're getting old Mum" or "Grandma", whichever the case may be but if I can control my language why can't others, especially if they know it could offend some people. I am sure that none of my family would have used bad language in front of my mum (their grandma or great-grandma) so why not use that control now.
If I have been watching programmes or films on TV and find bad language being over-used then I turn it off but you can't turn people off apparently. It seems it is part of modern life but some of it appears to be completely gratuitous.....just for the sake of it.
Gee, I've said a mouthful there but it is just something that rankles with me and I can't help feeling that way so my apologies to anyone whose toes I've stepped on as I don't mean any hurt to anyone by what I've said.
Another thing that has been on my mind of late is this....why is that you only hear comment from some people if you happen to do or say something that they don't agree with or don't thnk you should have done? You rarely hear a kind word from those people which is something you could sometimes perhaps do with but step out of line, even innocently, and you will hear all about it. We are all different and I am glad of that as, if we were all the same, what a monotonous old world it would be but, if you are going to have a go at somebody for something done or said, then make sure you also say nice things too when they are warranted. Always remember, it is easier to smile than frown as you use far less facial muscles, so therefore it is much less tiring to smile and smile lines are nicer than frown lines too.
I know that underneath I am a happy person that really enjoys laughing and hopefully I can laugh at myself too. If you saw me you'd probably laugh as well!! No, what I mean is that at times it is difficult to be happy when joints and muscles ache but you do have to try and rise above the pain as much as possible because if it is going to be a constant part of life it can surely get you down and they do say that back pain is associated with depression. I will NOT go down that path and my resolution is not to let it get me down even though there are so many things I cannot do now......thank goodness for such a wonderful husband who can still do those things, albeit more slowly these days.....and wonder will I ever be able to do some of them again. I still refuse to be depressed....I keep telling myself that and hope that it works.
I asked my doctor for a script for Panadol Osteo this week as a friend has told me it works so wonderfully well for her. I have taken 6 tablets since yesterday and I have to admit I've not noticed a lot of decrease in my aches and pains. My friend told me she had also been taking Celebrex but no, it was the Panadol Osteo that was doing the trick. I have strong doubts about that but will persevere for a week or so and keep my fingers crossed that I will improve. According to the information I downloaded (it was information meant for the medical profession) Panadol Osteo works much better than ordinary paracetemol but then I don't find they work very well either. Oh, what a wonderful world it is!!! You have to laugh otherwise you'd cry and I am not going down that path either.

BAD LANGUAGE & OTHER ISSUES

A good day today

Not sure what happened just now but I am not really a person of so few words : )
It is now 11.04 on FRIDAY, 3 April (wish they'd get the dates right on this blog) and I am feeling good.
My dear husband had a great day talking to the medical students at UWA yesterday and did make the comment about how many more Asian students there seem to be each year. His comment was that he feels that the parents of Asian students are much more strict on their children about study and the like and I think he could have a point there. They do work hard and their are some wonderful Asian doctors. Our dermatologist is Asian and he is a very caring young man and it is always a pleasure to pay a visit to him. He looks after both of us very well.
I think one reason I am feeling good today is that a confusing incident had arisen on eBay about payments received/not received but it has now all been sorted out hopefully to everyone's satisfaction. There can be little problems now and again on eBay but this one was a beauty. All about a person not leaving a reference when making a deposit and the other person's bank being dreadfully slow in making the transfer.
The main reason today is good is that my lovely daughter is popping in to have lunch with us. She works hard at her job, and her spare time is always pretty well booked up as well but it will be terrific to see her even for an hour or two. She tries to divide herself between her four children (mainly her three daughters actually), her husband of course, and us. Not easy to do but I do my best not to be too demanding which is not always easy as I just love to spend time with her. If this worldwide financial crisis had not arisen she may may have contemplated working less hours and perhaps job sharing but with superannuation being hit so hard much thought must go into when or if a person will work less hours or even think about eventual retirement.
Had my (half) 'flu shot yesterday and even so that spot on my arm is a little swollen and warm but not as bad as previous years so will have to decide whether or not to have a 'full' shot next year. The next few days will probably give me the answer. I wish more people would consider having a 'flu shot as it seems to have protected my husband and me for several years. We did contract a nasty virus about 16 months ago but it arrived via passengers from a liner that was docked in Fremantle. That virus had affected about 50% or more of the passengers on the ship (and some very badly) and it was thought to have been brought on board by people from the U.S. so it was quite possibly a strain not contained in the 'flu shot we'd had that year. Have to check when we had our last anti-pneumonia injection as that should be every 5 years. Mmm, important to check on that so must make a note in my diary.
Oh, my daughter could be here in a short while so best get myself into gear and make sure I have all I need to make our lunch. 'Bye for now.

A good day

Getting there....slowly (& other things)

It is now 10.37am on Thursday 2 April, 2009 and I am on my own for the day as my husband has gone to UWA (University of Western Australia) to talk to medical students about diabetes, a condition which we both have. For several years I used to go as well and it was good to be able to explain to the students just how diabetes affects the lives of those who suffer from it and how we come to terms with the rules by which we have to live but don't let it become overwhelming. I unfortunately can no longer spend the day doing these things because of my arthritis but am so glad that he can still do so and now two or three times a year and not only to medical students, but dental and podiatry students as well, as diabetes is a complaint that can affect so many parts of the body. I do hope he enjoys himself again and I know he correctly feels he is doing something really good to help future generations of diabetics and their dealings with, and being understood by, the medical profession at large.
Now for something less serious but about which I am really feeling pleased with myself. As mentioned before I have had bi-lateral total hip replacements over the past 10 months and as it can take up to 12 months for total recovery I still have a way to go before all is completely well. Yesterday I returned to my Wednesday morning exercise group run by my physiotherapist. I was overwhelmed by the welcome I received from others in the group....a hug here, a kiss on the cheek there....and was told that even though I'd not been for nearly 3 months not a week had gone by when somebody had not asked Jenny (physio) if she knew how I was going. They are a terrific group of a dozen or more people (all over 77) and we have so much fun and I had missed them all so much and, nice to know, they had apparently missed me as well. I was able to tell a couple of good jokes to make them laugh and was told I must be there again next week. None of them are likely to read this blog but it was so wonderful to feel so welcome and my thanks to them for that welcome.
Of course having done that I decided, while on my feet, I'd go with hubby and do some grocery shopping, and mustn't forget the Easter eggs. I spent an hour walking around Woolworths 'cos when I shop I like to walk down the aisles just in case there is something I didn't put on the list.
Had to then rush home for a quick lunch as we both had appointments with our GP and to have our annual 'flu shots. (I only have a half shot as for a couple of years my arm would come up in a large red lump which would be painful for a week or more...but the half shot still works okay...or at least has done for a few years so 'touch wood' that it will this year as well).
Problem arose later in the day when I was just so stiff and unable to move much and was very, very tired. Compared with things I used to do just doing an hour exercising and then an hour shopping doesn't sound much does it? Makes me realise I really AM getting older even though sitting here I don't feel much different to when I was say 35 or 45. I think that mentally I am still pretty well on the ball (others may disagree - I dare you!) and that is why I forget I am what is these days is considered 'frail aged' (that is over 75 years of age). Trouble is (as happened when I walked in to the group yesterday everyone said "you are looking really well?) people see me....a reasonably large, healthy looking individual and I get no sympathy at all : ) I am not even sure that my doctor takes me seriously and usually says "Oh, you'll be fine" even if my B/P is a bit high etc.
Speaking of blood pressure...our endocrinologist said it would be a good idea for us to purchase a good blood pressure machine and perhaps check our B/P daily. My husband has been told by another doctor he is seeing to do this twice daily for 3 weeks as he has a problem which can cause his B/P to rise a little too much. So far it has been good so the new medication he is on seems to be working. Anyway, the long and the short of it has been that when we check our B/P at home (particularly my own) it is always much lower than when it is checked by a doctor. It was suggested we take the machine with us when next visiting our GP which I did yesterday and asked her to use our machine before using her own. She checked that I was using it correctly (and I was) and would you believe the two machines gave almost identical readings, albeit somewhat higher than when I do it at home.
Do hubby and I both suffer from "white coat fever" perhaps? The GP explained that we are usually more relaxed at home and not to worry about it being that much lower. Apparently both machines were made by the same manufacturer and she also told me that the machine we had was a very reliable one which is good to know.
I have gone on a bit here but I feel so good about what I did yesterday. I wish I could do more, and doing more for me probably won't be all that much more, but at least I did it and will now keep on doing it. I don't have a lot of friends as so many have left this mortal coil but I will look forward to that hour on Wednesday mornings which I will spend with a group of people who don't judge me for what I am but who I am for which I am very grateful.

Contemplating about many thingss

Here it is Sunday, 29th March in 2009 and as I don't think anyone bothers to read what I write here I can go ahead and say what I think and feel about anything and everything. I have had no comments at all which is why I think I am unread!!!

I didn't have a good night last night and ended up getting out of bed at 7.15am this morning, which is unheard of for me. I feel at odds with everything....myself, people, things and places, even my garden at home. The latter really frustrates me as I can see so many jobs that need doing and I can't darned well do them any more....at least not yet awhile. Poor dear husband tries to keep up but we've had such a hot summer it just got too much for him and he's not all that well all the time either.

I am beginning to think it best if I keep away from others as I seem to do nothing but upset them over what I feel are such trifles but upset them I obviously do so....keep away is the best alternative. Is it because I am getting older perhaps that people are less tolerant towards me than they were? I always thought folk were more tolerant of the elderly than of the young...I am sure I tried to be when I was young, but perhaps not. One's memory of things probably changes over the years. I know with some people it certainly does.

"Things" are also being a nuisance. I still can't find anywhere really comfortable to sit in our living room. I got rid of that awful sloping chair (had it for 6 weeks because of my hip op) as soon as I could and then sat in a tub chair for the next 5 weeks. Very comfy but couldn't tolerate it any longer as felt it would be so nice to relax a little more and have support for my shoulders and neck. Last night I decided the recliner would be the next step but after one evening, even with cushions etc., my back wasn't happy. Oh, hell....there must be some part of me that doesn't hurt at some time!!! I have been using a folding table to keep things on, to put my plate on to eat etc. and as I still can't lean forward too much feel I need to keep the table but I feel I and it are in the way. My dear hubby never complains about any of this and he is so patient but I am tired of feeling I am a nuisance. I did some washing this morning and he has hung out the sheets and pillowslips without a murmur or complaint and will bring them in later for me to fold. At least I can wash and fold them so I'm not completely useless.

One good thing came from my sitting in the bigger chair last night. My little cat couldn't find room on my lap when I was in the other chairs but last night she spent at least two hours curled asleep on my lap and it felt so good. Our two cats are really a bit part of our life and we now find them both sitting together on the kitchen table of a morning when we get up so seems they are friends again. Not sure what went wrong but they seemed to fall out a year or so back and would get quite cross with each other for no obvious reason.

There are also other things that seem against me, or is it me against them perhaps? I am somewhat afraid of going out into our garden, both front and back, for fear of tripping over something. I now realise how easy it could be to trip over uneven slabs etc., or even weeds so now dread going outside in case I should trip as I am heavy and what would a fall do to my hips or even my back?? I may have very strong bones but the poor old joints aren't the best.

I really shouldn't complain or feel so down as I still have two good legs and can walk which is more than many poor souls are unable to do for one reason or another. I think I am really feeling the loss of my friend Judy. She may have had her idiosyncrasies (don't we all though?) but we could chat on the telephone and talk to each other about things it didn't seem possible to talk to others about. We sort of understood each other more than most people do.

Unfortunately several of my close friends have departed this life over the past years and I am too old to make new, close ones. Sure I have met some lovely people in the exercise groups I attend but that is as far as it goes. We have lots of fun and laughs but they have their families, friends and lives without me intruding into them. I am not up to catering for visitors so can't ask anyone to come to our home anyway so certainly don't look for invites to their or expect them either.

At least the day turned out a little better as I had a telephone call from my daughter asking how we were getting on etc. We had a nice, long chat about this and that and how her family is faring at present. A couple of her children are having some problems of different kinds so it appears we all have our worries of one type or another. Anyway, it was good of her to find the time to telephone and hopefully we may see her and her husband again soon. People's lives appear to be so full these days with little time left over for relaxing, whereas I probably have too much time and that's when the mind begins thinking along lines that are not really all that good.

I will try and cheer up, do some more sewing, find perhaps a few more items to put on eBay which is usually a bit of fun and I will definitely rejoin my Wednesday exercise group this week. So there....things can only get better and it is up to me to see that they do.

Wrong date on previous entry

Thursday, 19 March, 2009
Although I wrote the previous entry on Thursday, 19 March (WDST in Perth, W.A.) it shows it to have been written on Wednesday, 18 March. For some reason this blog must run on northern hemisphere time so seems I will have to, in future, put my own date on as well.

Some doctors really ARE good

Today my husband visited a new doctor. He is a consulting physician and an endocrinologist and struck us as being really caring and we didn't have the feeling we were rushed as one often does feel these days. He welcomed me being there as he said an extra pair of ears was always helpful as perhaps was an extra mouth as well!! Hubby often doesn't tell all as he is not one to talk about himself but you must be open when dealing with doctors or how are they going to know exactly what is going on. This doctor was very thorough dealing with the problems that have arisen (hypertension caused by tumour (non-malignant fortunately) on adrenal gland, etc) and explained all the pros and cons extensively. I feel my hubby is lucky to have been referred to this doctor and will hopefully soon be feeling much happier about himself. The next appoinment will be in three weeks time during which time B/P has to be taken twice a day and a record kept of it. The doctor increased the medication recently prescribed and is hoping that it in itself will do the trick without the need for surgery which is good news. He is not dealing with the diabetes and said he will leave that to the Professor whom we both see again in early June. Today our faith has been restored in the medical profession.

I am thoroughly enjoying the cooler weather we are experiencing in Perth this week and wonder if we have actually seen the end of those endless weeks with daytime temperatures above 30C which is a little wearing for everyone eventually. I am a cold weather person as a rule and often wonder will I feel the cold more as I age more. I certainly seem to notice the heat more than I did when younger.

Had a lovely email from Warwickshire, England from cousins of my husband. They are both in their eighties but seem to enjoy their lives which is wonderful. There is also another cousin there who turned 92 this month and our love and best wishes go to him. That man's sister is 96 so there is obviously longevity in the family so....here's hoping!!

Have not heard much from our family of late but I imagine they are busy as people usually seem to be these days. Although we would love to see or hear from them more than we do, one just must not make demands on busy people. It is easy for we who are retired to wonder why we don't hear, but then our time is our own to do with as we will and we have nobody to answer to but ourselves. I think at times the elderly make far too many demands on the young and, although it is often done because we love them, we must learn to be patient.

I think it is only a week or so before the end of daylight saving and I can't saw we will be sorry to see it end. I don't think the very hot summer we had helped at all and it certainly meant we had some very hot evenings. It will be interesting to see the result of the daylight saving referendum in May. Three times such a referendum has resulted in a NO vote but that could well change this time.

My Wonderful Physiotherapist

It is now 9 months since my LTHR (left total hip replacement) and 2 months since my RTHR (that's right....the other one) and although I really shouldn't complain I felt the need to visit my beautiful physio Jenny for some not-so-tender ministrations. 'Cos I've had to use my shoulders more to heave my bulk off the bed, chairs etc., my silly right shoulder has decided to be a nuisance again as well as the right side of my upper neck. I had a great time with Jenny this a.m. How does she manage to find the "Oh! so sore spots" that I didn't know were there? Have made a couple more appointments for next week as I know I will need them. Jenny recommended that a massage could help so will ask her about that when I see her on Monday. Not sure that is covered under our HBF insurance...will have to check that out first. Must try and get back to my exercise group real soon.

I said to Jenny that I still felt I wasn't walking properly and she said to tighten the muscles in my behind when walking and amazingly enough it makes me walk more upright and I actually CAN walk better. I feel I've grown a couple of centimetres when I do it so it must make me 'walk tall'. Just feels a bit strange though and I am sure it makes my bottom look bigger!! It's not all that big really, so perhaps that won't matter. I will practice doing it though as it certainly seems to help and also do the exercises she said would be of benefit.

I am a little concerned that my dear husband is not himself and am so glad he is going to see a doctor (endocronologist) at Fremantle Hospital tomorrow (he was referred to him by our private endocronologist) as I feel there are issues need to be attended to rather sooner than later. I am feeling rather cross too as he (hubby) saw our GP last week as his breathing was not the best and she didn't even listen to his chest which amazed me. He has been told he has asthma and she gave him some more stuff to inhale and it seems to have made him worse. Strange thing is he has never done a breath test to see how good his lungs are. I felt anyone with a breathing problem would have that simple test as a matter of course. A CT scan in 2006 showed mild emphysema so could it be that which is causing the problem? I wouldn't know...I am only a lay person and know nothing. Oh, well, perhaps some people I know are right when they say it is called a medical 'practice' because the doctors really are still practising!!! Sorry if that sounds critical but I do wonder sometimes if we get to know our doctors too well and they don't always take us seriously.

I am glad the dear man played nine holes of golf this afternoon and did well. He said he didn't want to overdo it so didn't hit the ball so hard and it went straight!! Now, I've been telling him for years he must relax more when playing golf and he has found out for himself that it's true. I am hoping he can enjoy his golf for some years to come. I can't do those things with him any more, but mustn't stop him doing them as I know he enjoys it so much. We just have to get him well as I need him with me, not just as a helpmate but 'cos I do love having him with me.

Reflections

It is 99 years today (17 March) since my adopted half-brother Len was born. He was wonderful to me when I was little and being nearly 21 years my senior I guess he was more like an uncle than a brother. In later years we unfortunately grew apart and this was partly caused by our folks splitting up when I was in my early 20s just after my first marriage. It was a pity, but mum seemed to have given the impression that I was partly behind the break-up and although I eventually managed to explain it all to dad, I don't think Len ever knew the truth so I was not the popular little sister of previous years. It was because of this that I saw little of his two daughters and their two families in later years. Nevertheless, I think of him with fondness today and have emailed his two daughters telling them I am thinking of their dad today.

It is a strange thing being adopted. You have all these people in your life, all your life, and they are family. I was told when I was 12 that I'd been adopted as a very young baby but my only thought at that time was that two people had wanted me so badly and it was wonderful to be needed that much. I don't think I really ever wondered what my roots were for many years as I was loved and well cared for and spent a very happy childhood with two great parents.

Years after my dad (1971) and mum (1985) had passed on I decided to find out who my real family was, mainly for medical information that might assist my own children and their families. I hadn't realised the work that it would entail but with my daughter's help and that of some wonderful people in government departments, all was finally revealed. My natural father by that time was dead and having been told my birth mother had also died young I didn't expect to find her. A huge surprise when I found she actually was alive and living not far from me and my husband. I never got to meet her physically but we became good friends on the telephone and I was so sad when she died in 1996. Her first great-great-granddaughter was born on the day of her funeral. She knew a baby was on the way and seemed pleased at the thought.

Since discovering my natural family I now sometimes feel very confused as to where my loyalties lie. I can only ever think of my adopted parents as my real parents and yet I have these people related to me by blood whom I should feel more for but seem unable to feel for them the same way. I do have a new-found half-brother (that was in 2001) and he and I have become very close and he rings me with little bits and pieces about his life. He is 14 years my junior so now I am a big sister to both him and our sister (she is 20 years younger than me) which is nice. It has been wonderful to be accepted by all members of both natural families I have met. Even though I have the documents to prove who I am nobody disbelieved me and it wasn't really necessary to show those papers as proof.

I guess thinking about my late brother has me thinking of all the great people I've known who have left this mortal coil in the past 10 years. There are so many of them and some were far too young to die. They all live on in varying degrees while I and others remember them and perhaps one day I also will live on in the minds of those who knew me and hopefully that memory will be with love. I have never done anything momentous in my life but have tried to be there when needed and hope I have been of some use to family and friends over the years. I intend to be around for a while yet but nobody knows what is written in the stars so....I can just hope I survive as there are still things I want to do and learn.

Reflections

This is Friday 13 March. Do you ever tell someone something and then wonder why you did so? You comment on a remark that someone makes and then think to yourself "Why did I say that? It was a little misleading and possibly not completely accurate." It's a silly thing to do and something one often regrets. I usually put my brain into gear before I speak but perhaps not as often as I should.

I have had one of those confusing days where I've tried to do too many things and actually not got very much done at all. The last two days have been pretty full on so guess I had to expect today to be as it has been....a bit of a dead loss all round.
Never mind, I only really have myself to answer to or to blame if I don't get things done.....my husband is very patient with me (bless him) and I served him up a nice hot lunch so no complaints from him. I think I am aching a bit much today to really concentrate on much at all. My hips are mending well but the poor old muscles seem to ache a bit much. I keep telling myself that every day in every way I am getting better and better and I'd better believe it!!

My granddaughter who was burgled recently is currently looking at houses/units as she feels she'd like to move. When she rented a couple of years back it was difficult to find anywhere to live but now there seem to be lots of places available in her chosen area so hopefully she will find a new home for herself and her daughter very shortly. She even told me that an agent had said they may have to reduce some rents as properties were not being rented. That seems to go against what we have heard about a shortage of rental properties. Could depend on how close to the city one wants to live.

I'm not sure much of the above is very interesting but these are the things that fill my life of late but perhaps not of great interest to others. I apologise if I am boring at times and I will have to try and do better in future.

Another most enjoyable visitor

Today is Thursday, 12 March, regardless of the date that will show on top of this entry. I think this blog runs on US time as it seems to be a day behind the actual day I do it.
As mentioned yesterday, my #2 granddaughter (minus her daughter who was at high school, but hope to see her soon too) came to help me sort out some of the Creative Memories pages I have already prepared. We did a lot of chatting and had so much fun looking at some of the old photos....more chatting and looking than sorting took place but we eventually got them into some semblance of order and now I have much more work to do complete them. It is just about a full-time job as I've had so many photos emailed from England of my husband's family from way back before he was born (and that WAS a long time ago). I've had them printed out so now the task is ahead of me to sort them and find places for them in the CM pages.
What would we do without photographs? My folks' home was destroyed by fire before I was born and they lost everything apart from the clothes they were wearing. They had been camped out working on another property at the time (they were farming in the deep south of W.A. then). My dad had played for Tottenham Hotspurs and had his England cap as well (amateur status in those days) and had newspaper cuttings, medals etc; there were family photos and probably a few heirlooms as well but they were all gone, all completely irreplaceable.
I can understand people saying, when faced with the prospect of losing their home to fire, that they grab their photo albums. One item of interest is this...my dad had been presented with an MBE medal (by King George V) for work he had done during WW1 in England and that medal (minus the pin and ribbon) survived the fire. We have often wondered just what metal that medal was made from.
I had friends living in the Kinglake district of Victoria who decided to leave their homes when those terrible fires threatened and they told me they grabbed their photo albums. One home was saved but another was unfortunately lost but when I spoke to them they sounded so very positive and I can only wish them well.
Back to the day with my granddaughter...my thanks to her for taking the time to spend with an 'oldie'. We had some fun and hopefully we will do it again soon.
It is not so terribly hot today (27C) but awfully humid. My husband played 9 holes of golf this morning but reckoned the weather wasn't conducive to playing well...at least that's his excuse and of course I do believe him : ) Main thing is you got some fresh air.

My family

This morning my eldest granddaughter and her daughter (our youngest great-granddaughter) paid us a visit. We spent a delightful two hours together and it made our day. My GGD is now 13 months old, walks and runs and is on the go all the time and is one of the happiest little girls I've known. I think it has a lot to do with her mum and dad being such good parents although I remember her mum when she was tiny and she was never any trouble either. I had bought some toys and books on eBay and was so glad I had as the little one had lots of fun with them plus finding a couple of Pop's golf balls in the garden (he practices his chip shots out there). He gave her two to take home with her and there she was sitting in her car seat holding the two golf balls with a big grin on her face.
Tomorrow my #2 granddaughter will be here helping me sort out a lot of my Creative Memories photo pages. I have done so many of them over past years that I really need to get them in some semblance of order and into separate albums. I still have loads to do and hopefully will finish that task before too long.
It is strange how we often have loads of photos of family members but with big gaps between certain ages. I think at times children don't want their photos taken and so we don't take them. It is something we probably all regret in later years so if somebody wants to take a snap of you then do let them. I think the use of digital cameras has made it a lot easier as you don't need to pose people as much as you did with the old type of camera.
Having some of my family visit this week has been/will be wonderful. I love them all so much and any time they can spare for us is always so much appreciated. I can only thank them for taking the time.

My thoughts on many things.

I have been trying to contact my local bank. You ring the 1300 number and they put you through to your branch and you then get a message "We are either busy with customers or the bank is closed, please leave a messsage". To start with you just wouldn't ring a bank outside banking hours!!! I have left messages on three occasions but never had a call back. I emailed a lady whom we have dealt with in the past and she very kindly telephone me and my query has been answered. At least that worked so thank goodness for my computer.
Another thing that annoys me about all this is that our telephone plan enables us to make local calls for 10 cents each but if we have to use a 1300 number it costs us 25 cents. Now, where is the fairness in that?? Who makes the profit there I wonder? Perhaps banks etc., should have 1800 numbers.. how about that?
As far as daylight saving is concerned I and my husband have had it up to here!!! If it had ended in W.A. at end of February perhaps not so bad but March weather here is notoriously hot and nasty and we don't need the heat extending far into the evenings as it does now. One gets fed up with always having to toe the line with regard to the eastern states of Australia. Twice Western Australians have voted "yes" for secession but we still have to obey our masters 'over there'. O.K. we are a couple of oldies but there are young ones I know who will also vote "NO" in April.
My husband saw his doctor this morning and I wish I'd gone with him. Why is it men don't seem to ask the right questions? She has given him a new medication to help with his breathing and he says it seems to have helped. He is having a cup of coffee before heading home and also going to find out about perhaps getting a new mobile phone. We don't use ours much but, like us, it is getting old and it's battery is wearing out. A new one would be $49 so maybe a new phone is the way to go. Wish we could both have new batteries and a charger. A thing of the future maybe??
I have been having fun on eBay...both selling and buying, probably more of the latter than the former. I've met some nice people on eBay and even though the contacts are only brief at least it does relieve the feeling of loneliness I feel so much of the time.
I recently took my sewing machine out of the cupboard (hadn't used it for about 3 years) and it's great to be using it again. I can't do a lot of dressmaking as such 'cos I can't use scissors for cutting out (arthritic hands) but I have been able to odd sewing job and I just love using my machine. I do miss being able to make my own clothes but at least I am sewing again. It's like being back in touch with an old friend.
I doubt anyone will ever read this but is good for me to get things out of my system here. A form of therapy maybe?? Just between my friendly eMac and me and it doesn't object to anything I type which is perhaps fortunate.

Where do I begin?

How do I begin? I may not be in the best frame of mine right now as horrible things are happening in my life and that of my family. My best friend died last month...we first met 65 years back...and I am going to miss chatting with her on the 'phone as we so often did. One of my granddaughters has just had her house burgled...gosh, there are some rotten people around these days and I wonder what is happening to the Perth I loved years ago. I am not sure I fit into this modern world of greed, anger and aggression. Was it really so good in 'the old days' or were many of us just so much more innocent? I should be content as I have a lovely family but everyone these days seems so short of time that I don't see as much of them as I would like. We had less money, less labour-saving gadgets when I was young but, even when working full-time, we seemed to have more time to spare. Woke up in the middle of last night feeling very sad for many reasons so perhaps this not a good time to begin a blog but decided to do it anyway. I love to ramble on so anyone who reads this will have to get used to me doing that.
I mentioned I'd had a couple of hip replacements recently and I have to be so grateful that my wonderful husband, who will be 80 this year, played mother to me for the first six weeks. Fortunately I now can do the cooking, dishes etc., which gives him more time for those jobs he has to do outside, and for his weekly game of golf. How fortunately I am to have him with me, hopefully for many years to come.