I don't know why but I am really feeling fragile today and in fact have been feeling like that all week. Is there a reason for this? I am still alive and able to get around to some extent. I have two eyes that see very well, two arms and hands that still allow me to do some things (including using my computer, thank goodness) and two legs that still work although not as well as I'd like them to.
There are so many people in our world that are sick or starving and are so much worse off than I am or probably will ever be so I know I shouldn't have this fragile feeling and am hoping it will soon go away. My back is incredibly bad so pain lives with me most days but that is so minor compared to other people's suffering.
I realise I am being selfish feeling the way I do and I realise I have been anything but nice to MOH this week and although he got cross with me a couple of times I know he has forgiven me for getting cranky over nothing. I keep feeling I am a burden to him even though he denies I am and I think he is being honest when he says that.
There are so many things I used to love doing that I can no longer do. Am I bored perhaps? Lonely? Yes, I probably am. I know I should get out and about more but can never think of anywhere I'd really like to go. Most of my friends are gone and those that are still here live up to 40km or more away from us which is a long journey to pop in for a cuppa. I can no longer walk around the shops without using my walker and stopping every few minutes to sit down so that's not much fun.
Forgive me for this post which is just so self-indulgent that I know I should scrub it but I won't because I just need to get this written down so I can go back and read it later and tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with my life, even if that life has become somewhat limited and dull. I just have to think of the alternative which should spur me on and ever onward. I will. I will do that. Soon. I promise.
Whether you *should* have it or not doesn't matter. You do have it, you are feeling fragile and it's okay to be a little self indulgent until this passes and you feel less fragile and more like your old coping self. You've had a rough few weeks with the heat and your medical tests and these all contribute to feeling less than 100%. Take some time out, sit and gaze out your window, watch the clouds, the wind in the trees, take a nap.
ReplyDeleteThank you River for being so understanding. I re-read what I had written above and told myself to pick myself up and get on with living. I woke this morning (Saturday) and lay in a bed for a few minutes just relaxing and breathing deeply. That does help so much. I will also follow your instructions and enjoy the scene outdoors and that big blue sky. x
DeleteRiver is, as usual, right. You have had a long hard summer, and all those worrying (and exhausting) medical tests. Never mind all the other people in the world - you are feeling fragile, and are entitled. Rest up until you feel better.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is a lovely HONEST post - so should be retained. Hugs.
Oh my dear EC what would I do without my wonderful blogging friends. You have more problems than I do and yet here you are giving your support as usual. Thank you so much for lifting me up as you always do. What can I do now other than begin to look forward again and outward and not inward.
DeleteOh we all have days like that the Spring is very close now and that sun will make things look different in your eyes. Give yourself time to feel sorry for yourself BUT do know there is a lot to be thankful for and you are not anyone's burden and I am sure they will tell you that very quickly. HUGS B
ReplyDeleteThanks Buttons. Actually the sun has been part of my problem over our hotter than usual summer this year. It is now autumn in Australia but the heat persists here in Perth with 33C(91F)today and tomorrow and so on. Yes I know how much I have to be thankful for and with support that I find here I know the future will begin to shine again soon.
DeleteYou are entitled to feel the way you feel for heavens sake. You are also entitled to write about how you feel. Here's hoping that in a day or two you will start to feel a little better about things....in the meantime....celebrate the fact that you are still on 'the right side of the grass'. Crank up the tunes, open the curtains, turn on the lights, do a little 'hand jive'....tomorrow will be a better day.
ReplyDeleteThanks Delores....you like my other wonderful blogging friends always brighten me up. Here it is Saturday now and although it is is still hot in Perth the fans and aircon (if needed) will keep me cool. I am really feeling 'better' already and once down there is only one other way to go and that is up. It may be a stuggle but I know I will make it.
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