I don't know why but I am really feeling fragile today and in fact have been feeling like that all week. Is there a reason for this? I am still alive and able to get around to some extent. I have two eyes that see very well, two arms and hands that still allow me to do some things (including using my computer, thank goodness) and two legs that still work although not as well as I'd like them to.
There are so many people in our world that are sick or starving and are so much worse off than I am or probably will ever be so I know I shouldn't have this fragile feeling and am hoping it will soon go away. My back is incredibly bad so pain lives with me most days but that is so minor compared to other people's suffering.
I realise I am being selfish feeling the way I do and I realise I have been anything but nice to MOH this week and although he got cross with me a couple of times I know he has forgiven me for getting cranky over nothing. I keep feeling I am a burden to him even though he denies I am and I think he is being honest when he says that.
There are so many things I used to love doing that I can no longer do. Am I bored perhaps? Lonely? Yes, I probably am. I know I should get out and about more but can never think of anywhere I'd really like to go. Most of my friends are gone and those that are still here live up to 40km or more away from us which is a long journey to pop in for a cuppa. I can no longer walk around the shops without using my walker and stopping every few minutes to sit down so that's not much fun.
Forgive me for this post which is just so self-indulgent that I know I should scrub it but I won't because I just need to get this written down so I can go back and read it later and tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with my life, even if that life has become somewhat limited and dull. I just have to think of the alternative which should spur me on and ever onward. I will. I will do that. Soon. I promise.