Contemplating about many thingss

Here it is Sunday, 29th March in 2009 and as I don't think anyone bothers to read what I write here I can go ahead and say what I think and feel about anything and everything. I have had no comments at all which is why I think I am unread!!!

I didn't have a good night last night and ended up getting out of bed at 7.15am this morning, which is unheard of for me. I feel at odds with everything....myself, people, things and places, even my garden at home. The latter really frustrates me as I can see so many jobs that need doing and I can't darned well do them any more....at least not yet awhile. Poor dear husband tries to keep up but we've had such a hot summer it just got too much for him and he's not all that well all the time either.

I am beginning to think it best if I keep away from others as I seem to do nothing but upset them over what I feel are such trifles but upset them I obviously do so....keep away is the best alternative. Is it because I am getting older perhaps that people are less tolerant towards me than they were? I always thought folk were more tolerant of the elderly than of the young...I am sure I tried to be when I was young, but perhaps not. One's memory of things probably changes over the years. I know with some people it certainly does.

"Things" are also being a nuisance. I still can't find anywhere really comfortable to sit in our living room. I got rid of that awful sloping chair (had it for 6 weeks because of my hip op) as soon as I could and then sat in a tub chair for the next 5 weeks. Very comfy but couldn't tolerate it any longer as felt it would be so nice to relax a little more and have support for my shoulders and neck. Last night I decided the recliner would be the next step but after one evening, even with cushions etc., my back wasn't happy. Oh, hell....there must be some part of me that doesn't hurt at some time!!! I have been using a folding table to keep things on, to put my plate on to eat etc. and as I still can't lean forward too much feel I need to keep the table but I feel I and it are in the way. My dear hubby never complains about any of this and he is so patient but I am tired of feeling I am a nuisance. I did some washing this morning and he has hung out the sheets and pillowslips without a murmur or complaint and will bring them in later for me to fold. At least I can wash and fold them so I'm not completely useless.

One good thing came from my sitting in the bigger chair last night. My little cat couldn't find room on my lap when I was in the other chairs but last night she spent at least two hours curled asleep on my lap and it felt so good. Our two cats are really a bit part of our life and we now find them both sitting together on the kitchen table of a morning when we get up so seems they are friends again. Not sure what went wrong but they seemed to fall out a year or so back and would get quite cross with each other for no obvious reason.

There are also other things that seem against me, or is it me against them perhaps? I am somewhat afraid of going out into our garden, both front and back, for fear of tripping over something. I now realise how easy it could be to trip over uneven slabs etc., or even weeds so now dread going outside in case I should trip as I am heavy and what would a fall do to my hips or even my back?? I may have very strong bones but the poor old joints aren't the best.

I really shouldn't complain or feel so down as I still have two good legs and can walk which is more than many poor souls are unable to do for one reason or another. I think I am really feeling the loss of my friend Judy. She may have had her idiosyncrasies (don't we all though?) but we could chat on the telephone and talk to each other about things it didn't seem possible to talk to others about. We sort of understood each other more than most people do.

Unfortunately several of my close friends have departed this life over the past years and I am too old to make new, close ones. Sure I have met some lovely people in the exercise groups I attend but that is as far as it goes. We have lots of fun and laughs but they have their families, friends and lives without me intruding into them. I am not up to catering for visitors so can't ask anyone to come to our home anyway so certainly don't look for invites to their or expect them either.

At least the day turned out a little better as I had a telephone call from my daughter asking how we were getting on etc. We had a nice, long chat about this and that and how her family is faring at present. A couple of her children are having some problems of different kinds so it appears we all have our worries of one type or another. Anyway, it was good of her to find the time to telephone and hopefully we may see her and her husband again soon. People's lives appear to be so full these days with little time left over for relaxing, whereas I probably have too much time and that's when the mind begins thinking along lines that are not really all that good.

I will try and cheer up, do some more sewing, find perhaps a few more items to put on eBay which is usually a bit of fun and I will definitely rejoin my Wednesday exercise group this week. So there....things can only get better and it is up to me to see that they do.

Wrong date on previous entry

Thursday, 19 March, 2009
Although I wrote the previous entry on Thursday, 19 March (WDST in Perth, W.A.) it shows it to have been written on Wednesday, 18 March. For some reason this blog must run on northern hemisphere time so seems I will have to, in future, put my own date on as well.

Some doctors really ARE good

Today my husband visited a new doctor. He is a consulting physician and an endocrinologist and struck us as being really caring and we didn't have the feeling we were rushed as one often does feel these days. He welcomed me being there as he said an extra pair of ears was always helpful as perhaps was an extra mouth as well!! Hubby often doesn't tell all as he is not one to talk about himself but you must be open when dealing with doctors or how are they going to know exactly what is going on. This doctor was very thorough dealing with the problems that have arisen (hypertension caused by tumour (non-malignant fortunately) on adrenal gland, etc) and explained all the pros and cons extensively. I feel my hubby is lucky to have been referred to this doctor and will hopefully soon be feeling much happier about himself. The next appoinment will be in three weeks time during which time B/P has to be taken twice a day and a record kept of it. The doctor increased the medication recently prescribed and is hoping that it in itself will do the trick without the need for surgery which is good news. He is not dealing with the diabetes and said he will leave that to the Professor whom we both see again in early June. Today our faith has been restored in the medical profession.

I am thoroughly enjoying the cooler weather we are experiencing in Perth this week and wonder if we have actually seen the end of those endless weeks with daytime temperatures above 30C which is a little wearing for everyone eventually. I am a cold weather person as a rule and often wonder will I feel the cold more as I age more. I certainly seem to notice the heat more than I did when younger.

Had a lovely email from Warwickshire, England from cousins of my husband. They are both in their eighties but seem to enjoy their lives which is wonderful. There is also another cousin there who turned 92 this month and our love and best wishes go to him. That man's sister is 96 so there is obviously longevity in the family so....here's hoping!!

Have not heard much from our family of late but I imagine they are busy as people usually seem to be these days. Although we would love to see or hear from them more than we do, one just must not make demands on busy people. It is easy for we who are retired to wonder why we don't hear, but then our time is our own to do with as we will and we have nobody to answer to but ourselves. I think at times the elderly make far too many demands on the young and, although it is often done because we love them, we must learn to be patient.

I think it is only a week or so before the end of daylight saving and I can't saw we will be sorry to see it end. I don't think the very hot summer we had helped at all and it certainly meant we had some very hot evenings. It will be interesting to see the result of the daylight saving referendum in May. Three times such a referendum has resulted in a NO vote but that could well change this time.

My Wonderful Physiotherapist

It is now 9 months since my LTHR (left total hip replacement) and 2 months since my RTHR (that's right....the other one) and although I really shouldn't complain I felt the need to visit my beautiful physio Jenny for some not-so-tender ministrations. 'Cos I've had to use my shoulders more to heave my bulk off the bed, chairs etc., my silly right shoulder has decided to be a nuisance again as well as the right side of my upper neck. I had a great time with Jenny this a.m. How does she manage to find the "Oh! so sore spots" that I didn't know were there? Have made a couple more appointments for next week as I know I will need them. Jenny recommended that a massage could help so will ask her about that when I see her on Monday. Not sure that is covered under our HBF insurance...will have to check that out first. Must try and get back to my exercise group real soon.

I said to Jenny that I still felt I wasn't walking properly and she said to tighten the muscles in my behind when walking and amazingly enough it makes me walk more upright and I actually CAN walk better. I feel I've grown a couple of centimetres when I do it so it must make me 'walk tall'. Just feels a bit strange though and I am sure it makes my bottom look bigger!! It's not all that big really, so perhaps that won't matter. I will practice doing it though as it certainly seems to help and also do the exercises she said would be of benefit.

I am a little concerned that my dear husband is not himself and am so glad he is going to see a doctor (endocronologist) at Fremantle Hospital tomorrow (he was referred to him by our private endocronologist) as I feel there are issues need to be attended to rather sooner than later. I am feeling rather cross too as he (hubby) saw our GP last week as his breathing was not the best and she didn't even listen to his chest which amazed me. He has been told he has asthma and she gave him some more stuff to inhale and it seems to have made him worse. Strange thing is he has never done a breath test to see how good his lungs are. I felt anyone with a breathing problem would have that simple test as a matter of course. A CT scan in 2006 showed mild emphysema so could it be that which is causing the problem? I wouldn't know...I am only a lay person and know nothing. Oh, well, perhaps some people I know are right when they say it is called a medical 'practice' because the doctors really are still practising!!! Sorry if that sounds critical but I do wonder sometimes if we get to know our doctors too well and they don't always take us seriously.

I am glad the dear man played nine holes of golf this afternoon and did well. He said he didn't want to overdo it so didn't hit the ball so hard and it went straight!! Now, I've been telling him for years he must relax more when playing golf and he has found out for himself that it's true. I am hoping he can enjoy his golf for some years to come. I can't do those things with him any more, but mustn't stop him doing them as I know he enjoys it so much. We just have to get him well as I need him with me, not just as a helpmate but 'cos I do love having him with me.

Reflections

It is 99 years today (17 March) since my adopted half-brother Len was born. He was wonderful to me when I was little and being nearly 21 years my senior I guess he was more like an uncle than a brother. In later years we unfortunately grew apart and this was partly caused by our folks splitting up when I was in my early 20s just after my first marriage. It was a pity, but mum seemed to have given the impression that I was partly behind the break-up and although I eventually managed to explain it all to dad, I don't think Len ever knew the truth so I was not the popular little sister of previous years. It was because of this that I saw little of his two daughters and their two families in later years. Nevertheless, I think of him with fondness today and have emailed his two daughters telling them I am thinking of their dad today.

It is a strange thing being adopted. You have all these people in your life, all your life, and they are family. I was told when I was 12 that I'd been adopted as a very young baby but my only thought at that time was that two people had wanted me so badly and it was wonderful to be needed that much. I don't think I really ever wondered what my roots were for many years as I was loved and well cared for and spent a very happy childhood with two great parents.

Years after my dad (1971) and mum (1985) had passed on I decided to find out who my real family was, mainly for medical information that might assist my own children and their families. I hadn't realised the work that it would entail but with my daughter's help and that of some wonderful people in government departments, all was finally revealed. My natural father by that time was dead and having been told my birth mother had also died young I didn't expect to find her. A huge surprise when I found she actually was alive and living not far from me and my husband. I never got to meet her physically but we became good friends on the telephone and I was so sad when she died in 1996. Her first great-great-granddaughter was born on the day of her funeral. She knew a baby was on the way and seemed pleased at the thought.

Since discovering my natural family I now sometimes feel very confused as to where my loyalties lie. I can only ever think of my adopted parents as my real parents and yet I have these people related to me by blood whom I should feel more for but seem unable to feel for them the same way. I do have a new-found half-brother (that was in 2001) and he and I have become very close and he rings me with little bits and pieces about his life. He is 14 years my junior so now I am a big sister to both him and our sister (she is 20 years younger than me) which is nice. It has been wonderful to be accepted by all members of both natural families I have met. Even though I have the documents to prove who I am nobody disbelieved me and it wasn't really necessary to show those papers as proof.

I guess thinking about my late brother has me thinking of all the great people I've known who have left this mortal coil in the past 10 years. There are so many of them and some were far too young to die. They all live on in varying degrees while I and others remember them and perhaps one day I also will live on in the minds of those who knew me and hopefully that memory will be with love. I have never done anything momentous in my life but have tried to be there when needed and hope I have been of some use to family and friends over the years. I intend to be around for a while yet but nobody knows what is written in the stars so....I can just hope I survive as there are still things I want to do and learn.

Reflections

This is Friday 13 March. Do you ever tell someone something and then wonder why you did so? You comment on a remark that someone makes and then think to yourself "Why did I say that? It was a little misleading and possibly not completely accurate." It's a silly thing to do and something one often regrets. I usually put my brain into gear before I speak but perhaps not as often as I should.

I have had one of those confusing days where I've tried to do too many things and actually not got very much done at all. The last two days have been pretty full on so guess I had to expect today to be as it has been....a bit of a dead loss all round.
Never mind, I only really have myself to answer to or to blame if I don't get things done.....my husband is very patient with me (bless him) and I served him up a nice hot lunch so no complaints from him. I think I am aching a bit much today to really concentrate on much at all. My hips are mending well but the poor old muscles seem to ache a bit much. I keep telling myself that every day in every way I am getting better and better and I'd better believe it!!

My granddaughter who was burgled recently is currently looking at houses/units as she feels she'd like to move. When she rented a couple of years back it was difficult to find anywhere to live but now there seem to be lots of places available in her chosen area so hopefully she will find a new home for herself and her daughter very shortly. She even told me that an agent had said they may have to reduce some rents as properties were not being rented. That seems to go against what we have heard about a shortage of rental properties. Could depend on how close to the city one wants to live.

I'm not sure much of the above is very interesting but these are the things that fill my life of late but perhaps not of great interest to others. I apologise if I am boring at times and I will have to try and do better in future.

Another most enjoyable visitor

Today is Thursday, 12 March, regardless of the date that will show on top of this entry. I think this blog runs on US time as it seems to be a day behind the actual day I do it.
As mentioned yesterday, my #2 granddaughter (minus her daughter who was at high school, but hope to see her soon too) came to help me sort out some of the Creative Memories pages I have already prepared. We did a lot of chatting and had so much fun looking at some of the old photos....more chatting and looking than sorting took place but we eventually got them into some semblance of order and now I have much more work to do complete them. It is just about a full-time job as I've had so many photos emailed from England of my husband's family from way back before he was born (and that WAS a long time ago). I've had them printed out so now the task is ahead of me to sort them and find places for them in the CM pages.
What would we do without photographs? My folks' home was destroyed by fire before I was born and they lost everything apart from the clothes they were wearing. They had been camped out working on another property at the time (they were farming in the deep south of W.A. then). My dad had played for Tottenham Hotspurs and had his England cap as well (amateur status in those days) and had newspaper cuttings, medals etc; there were family photos and probably a few heirlooms as well but they were all gone, all completely irreplaceable.
I can understand people saying, when faced with the prospect of losing their home to fire, that they grab their photo albums. One item of interest is this...my dad had been presented with an MBE medal (by King George V) for work he had done during WW1 in England and that medal (minus the pin and ribbon) survived the fire. We have often wondered just what metal that medal was made from.
I had friends living in the Kinglake district of Victoria who decided to leave their homes when those terrible fires threatened and they told me they grabbed their photo albums. One home was saved but another was unfortunately lost but when I spoke to them they sounded so very positive and I can only wish them well.
Back to the day with my granddaughter...my thanks to her for taking the time to spend with an 'oldie'. We had some fun and hopefully we will do it again soon.
It is not so terribly hot today (27C) but awfully humid. My husband played 9 holes of golf this morning but reckoned the weather wasn't conducive to playing well...at least that's his excuse and of course I do believe him : ) Main thing is you got some fresh air.

My family

This morning my eldest granddaughter and her daughter (our youngest great-granddaughter) paid us a visit. We spent a delightful two hours together and it made our day. My GGD is now 13 months old, walks and runs and is on the go all the time and is one of the happiest little girls I've known. I think it has a lot to do with her mum and dad being such good parents although I remember her mum when she was tiny and she was never any trouble either. I had bought some toys and books on eBay and was so glad I had as the little one had lots of fun with them plus finding a couple of Pop's golf balls in the garden (he practices his chip shots out there). He gave her two to take home with her and there she was sitting in her car seat holding the two golf balls with a big grin on her face.
Tomorrow my #2 granddaughter will be here helping me sort out a lot of my Creative Memories photo pages. I have done so many of them over past years that I really need to get them in some semblance of order and into separate albums. I still have loads to do and hopefully will finish that task before too long.
It is strange how we often have loads of photos of family members but with big gaps between certain ages. I think at times children don't want their photos taken and so we don't take them. It is something we probably all regret in later years so if somebody wants to take a snap of you then do let them. I think the use of digital cameras has made it a lot easier as you don't need to pose people as much as you did with the old type of camera.
Having some of my family visit this week has been/will be wonderful. I love them all so much and any time they can spare for us is always so much appreciated. I can only thank them for taking the time.

My thoughts on many things.

I have been trying to contact my local bank. You ring the 1300 number and they put you through to your branch and you then get a message "We are either busy with customers or the bank is closed, please leave a messsage". To start with you just wouldn't ring a bank outside banking hours!!! I have left messages on three occasions but never had a call back. I emailed a lady whom we have dealt with in the past and she very kindly telephone me and my query has been answered. At least that worked so thank goodness for my computer.
Another thing that annoys me about all this is that our telephone plan enables us to make local calls for 10 cents each but if we have to use a 1300 number it costs us 25 cents. Now, where is the fairness in that?? Who makes the profit there I wonder? Perhaps banks etc., should have 1800 numbers.. how about that?
As far as daylight saving is concerned I and my husband have had it up to here!!! If it had ended in W.A. at end of February perhaps not so bad but March weather here is notoriously hot and nasty and we don't need the heat extending far into the evenings as it does now. One gets fed up with always having to toe the line with regard to the eastern states of Australia. Twice Western Australians have voted "yes" for secession but we still have to obey our masters 'over there'. O.K. we are a couple of oldies but there are young ones I know who will also vote "NO" in April.
My husband saw his doctor this morning and I wish I'd gone with him. Why is it men don't seem to ask the right questions? She has given him a new medication to help with his breathing and he says it seems to have helped. He is having a cup of coffee before heading home and also going to find out about perhaps getting a new mobile phone. We don't use ours much but, like us, it is getting old and it's battery is wearing out. A new one would be $49 so maybe a new phone is the way to go. Wish we could both have new batteries and a charger. A thing of the future maybe??
I have been having fun on eBay...both selling and buying, probably more of the latter than the former. I've met some nice people on eBay and even though the contacts are only brief at least it does relieve the feeling of loneliness I feel so much of the time.
I recently took my sewing machine out of the cupboard (hadn't used it for about 3 years) and it's great to be using it again. I can't do a lot of dressmaking as such 'cos I can't use scissors for cutting out (arthritic hands) but I have been able to odd sewing job and I just love using my machine. I do miss being able to make my own clothes but at least I am sewing again. It's like being back in touch with an old friend.
I doubt anyone will ever read this but is good for me to get things out of my system here. A form of therapy maybe?? Just between my friendly eMac and me and it doesn't object to anything I type which is perhaps fortunate.

Where do I begin?

How do I begin? I may not be in the best frame of mine right now as horrible things are happening in my life and that of my family. My best friend died last month...we first met 65 years back...and I am going to miss chatting with her on the 'phone as we so often did. One of my granddaughters has just had her house burgled...gosh, there are some rotten people around these days and I wonder what is happening to the Perth I loved years ago. I am not sure I fit into this modern world of greed, anger and aggression. Was it really so good in 'the old days' or were many of us just so much more innocent? I should be content as I have a lovely family but everyone these days seems so short of time that I don't see as much of them as I would like. We had less money, less labour-saving gadgets when I was young but, even when working full-time, we seemed to have more time to spare. Woke up in the middle of last night feeling very sad for many reasons so perhaps this not a good time to begin a blog but decided to do it anyway. I love to ramble on so anyone who reads this will have to get used to me doing that.
I mentioned I'd had a couple of hip replacements recently and I have to be so grateful that my wonderful husband, who will be 80 this year, played mother to me for the first six weeks. Fortunately I now can do the cooking, dishes etc., which gives him more time for those jobs he has to do outside, and for his weekly game of golf. How fortunately I am to have him with me, hopefully for many years to come.