I know I'm 82 and have to expect things to be different to when I was 32 or even 52 but when did all this decrepitude come about? I guess it has been coming on for some years now, ever since I realised I could no longer go for a walk but when did it get this bad? I know I have chronic osteo arthritis and fibromyalgia (my wonderful physio does her best but there is only so much she can do at one time) but did it creep up on me or has it suddenly worsened? Probably the latter as I seem less able to do normal things easily now.
I do the dishes and have to sit down before I dry them up. I sweep half the kitchen floor and have to rest before I sweep the other half. I bend down to put something away in the lower cupboard and my right knee objects, and when DID the floor get so far away. I've shrunk a couple of inches so shouldn't it be closer?
Making beds is not funny any more. We have twin beds 'cos Phil has sleep apnoea (he uses a machine to help him keep breathing when he's asleep) and it's better for both of us to be in separate beds. Now we have two fitted sheets to put on instead of just the one and two lots of top sheets and blankets or whatever one has on top of the bed. Even poor old Phil has to sit down 'tween times and he, for his age, is pretty fit.
I sit at my computer for a couple of hours (far too long at one go obviously) and when I get up my legs take a while to get into gear before they obey my command to "MOVE!".
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| Oh my poor aching back!! |
I realised a few years back that my gardening days are over and managed to accept that and not being able to hang the washing on the line hasn't distressed me at all as I have a good man that does an excellent job with that. All being well I am able sometimes to take the dry clothes off the line which makes me feel I am at least being a little useful. You don't realise until it happens how much harder it is to hang out the clothes compared with taking them off.
I can still cook our meals. If they are lengthy recipes then I sit down for a few minutes and then get on with it again and it usually turns out quite well. Phil is great with the slow cooker and that takes care of lots of very tasty meals during the winter months. (Tomorrow we are actually going to try roast leg of lamb in the slower cooker. Found a recipe on the internet that sounds real easy so here's hoping).
Please believe me when I say I am not complaining but simply finally admitting to myself that I can no longer do the things I once did, the things I still long to do. I once loved going to the shops, just to look, not always to buy. Those days are long gone as now I have to remember to have my walker in the car and try to work out what I need to buy so there's not too much walking involved. I find the large stores don't have enough seats spread around their stores. I am sure there used to be more benches or is that my imagination. They want you to spend your hard earned and not sit down and rest. No profit in it for them if you do that. One day soon I must get back to the supermarket again. It's so long since I've been I am sure there are lots of new products I know nothing about.
I know it will hold Phil up as he does the shopping but he is very patient with me these days and I'm sure if I don't make a habit of it (not very likely) he'll put up with me just the once.
Please excuse the one huge moan but I had to get it off my chest as I was getting really cranky and that will never do. Oh damn!!! Now my left hip has begun to hurt and I'm only sitting down. Have to get up, grab my stick and walk about a bit before I sit down again. : )
I don't know what to say, all I can say is you are doing well you are the oldest person I know who has a blog. So that means you are open to new ideas and anything is possible, I go to bingo every week with a friend of mine and her 97year old mother she doing well too all I can say is be positive and who knows.
ReplyDeleteMerle..........
Thanks Merle for your encouraging words. At times I just have to let it all out. Many years ago I said I would live to 95. That would be fine as I think the old mind will still function but if the body fails, what then?
DeleteI'm almost at the same stage as yourself and 16 years younger. The mind wants to go but the body doesn't seem to have the same interest. I can handle it as long as the mind doesn't start backfiring as well lol.
ReplyDeleteI hear what you say Delores. I think when I wrote this the mind was indeed backfiring and perhaps firing on all cylinders and telling me the state of things. Who knows? I just know the frustration builds and builds and then you explode!!
DeleteSigh. I am younger than either you or Delores, and quite a long way down that same road. Not my chosen path. Which I find incredibly frustrating. I hear you - and my heart is with you.
ReplyDeleteI feel ashamed of complaining EC when I think of you. My complaints are second rate compared. It is the frustration that really increases the hurt, perhaps more mentally than physically.
DeleteNo, no, no. No shame. Your pain and your frustration are just as real to you as mine are to me. And there are always people who are worse off - which doesn't reduce my pain, or your pain, one little bit. Hugs.
DeleteIt does seem to sneak up on you. Thank goodness (for all of us) that good humor and patience can get us through most of the days. I am thrilled you have taken to the computer - I love your posts and stories.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your compliments Susan. I guess while the old brain functions I shouldn't complain but oh, how I would love to just go for a walk around the block one day or be able to do at least some of the things I once did. I know that is wrong and I should be thankful just to have been given these extra years and I should use them as much as I can.
DeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteAs others said, I am much younger, yet all too familiar with which you talk. The worst bit of all, I have concluded, is the self-torment at the 'but I should be able to!!!' Trying my hardest not to do that to myself - 'cos it ends up affecting others also. Hey ho. Still here though.
Not that that was any help to you, but thanks for leading the way!!! YAM xx
Thank you so much Yam for your wise words. I do indeed keep saying "but I should be able to" and I think it is those words that hurt Phil and he wants to do things for me and I stop him as I want to keep trying. Poor man, his patience is wonderful altho' there are times when I know I frustrate him as well.
DeleteI know your type of arthritis is worse than mine as I am at least not ill as well (diabetes aside). I guess one's own pain is just that even if perhaps not as bad as others.
It isn't your imagination Mimsie, there definitely LESS seats around in the stores, some don't have any at all, and some that do have them outside the store and then only one or two.
ReplyDeleteI'm twenty years behind you and I have noticed that I'm slowing down and doing less. I try to schedule as many posts as possible on one day so I can give my hands a rest for the remainder of the week.
I understand your frustrations, I suspect we all do, especially that "when did the floor get so far away?"
Like Merle said, you are doing very well, learning new things and keeping a blog going, you have my admiration in spades. I hope I can do the same twenty years from now.
I used to have a customer who always came to my checkout because she preferred my slow and patient treatment of older people. She was 93 and still doing her own shopping. I noticed she was unsteady on her feet, so I would unload her little trolley for her, the pack it all back in so that she could just stand and hold onto the handle. She said to me one day that her daughters were worried about her and wanted to put her in a home. I suppose they eventually did that because one week she just wasn't there ever again.
Thanks River for your wonderful understanding words. I too sometimes do my posts in advance which does help a lot.
DeleteI do hope that elderly lady to whom you were so kind went on to a place where they cared for her properly. It wonderful you still think of her.
Grumble away Mimsie you've earned it xxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Rae for being so understanding and patient with me. xxxx
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