Monday, November 12, 2012


Continuing on with the saga of marriage number 1.  I would consider the first couple of years as being reasonably happy.  We lived in 2 rooms in 3 different houses, sharing conveniences, which worked out pretty well.  I had a couple of good jobs so of course with work and housework my time was short and first hubby, who was not particularly inclined to do much in the house, couldn't understand why I couldn't always be going out and about.  Occasionally he went out on his own....I didn't ask where he went as I thought perhaps it best not to.  During our second year of marriage he actually went of boating with a friend and left me home on my own.  I, of course, was not expected to feel any jealousy at being left on my own for my 23rd birthday.

A little after 2 years of being together our little daughter was born and I sometimes think that brought with it more problems although I could never put my finger on what was actually wrong.  When the baby was a year old we moved into a very old 2 storey house that belonged to hubby's grandfather.  No real conveniences to speak of but we made do.  My big worry was having a very active one year old child and a set of stairs.  I used to have to carry her up and down and somehow managed to keep her away from the stairs so no mishaps.

2 years after the birth of our daughter our son was born.  He was a tiny baby (both babies were 4 weeks early) but eventually grew into a big boy who at 12 months weighed 2 stone (28 lbs).  I then had to carry him up and down all the stairs and I often wonder if that is why I have back problems today.

Hubby from then on mostly spent most nights down in his workshop so it was the children and I in the house and he down there.  I have to admit we were short of money as hubby wanted to go shooting and fishing and also had a movie camera which meant buying films for it.  I tried to put away separate amounts to pay bills but he would keep borrowing so it was always a battle to keep up with paying bills as they came due.

I was completely fed up with the life the children and I were leading so I left and we went to live at mum's for several months.  Hubby pleaded with me to come back to him and made all sorts of promises to right the problems that had beset us, one of which was to build gates at the bottom and top of the stairs so I wouldn't have to worry so much about the children.  I think of the few conditions I had set before returning to him that this was perhaps the only one he actually complied with.

I won't go into all the details of the many things that went wrong as quite honestly I don't really want to relive them again and, to keep this story short, I will just say that eventually the marriage was definitely breaking down again until one night when I was doing some ironing he so got to me so much that I felt if he didn't stop baiting me I'd throw the iron at him.  I am, and never have been a violent person, and the feeling frightened me. The only thing I could do was walk out the door there and then before I did something I'd forever be sorry for.

I walked around in the night for hours and eventually ended up at my mum's house.  I kept custody of my children (I would not have stayed away if I didn't have them with me) and he and I eventually divorced.  As you know I have had a good marriage now for 45 years and he (my ex) has now been married 3 times.  My daughter has recently told the story of her dad's recent marriage so I won't go into that here.

Don't get me wrong.  I know I must have been partly to blame for the breakdown of this first marriage of mine as it does take two to tango.  Perhaps the blame lies with me for allowing myself to marry him in the first place, after the warning I got from mum and JT,  but had I not done so I wouldn't have had 2 beautiful babies.  Something good usually comes out of something not so good so am thankful for that.


  1. There's always something good that comes out of nothing, although sometimes we do have to search long and hard for it.

    1. Thinking back I guess #1 husband was a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde person. He was a Gemini so perhaps that accounted for it (if you happen to believe in that type of thing). There were good times but not sure they outweighed the bad in the long run.

  2. I don't know your son, but your daughter is such a warm and llovely person despite her own problems that I would class her as a huge benefit to your first and difficult marriage. I am however so very glad that your second relationship has been so happy.

    1. Unfortunately I no longer know my son EC as it is now close to 11 years since he took it into his head to divorce himself entirely from me and the rest of our family, including his sister and her family. I will write about him but it will be with mixed feelings. As my family was so small (adopted parents and half brother) I am ever thankful that the relationship between my daughter and myself has stood the test of time. Thanks again for your kind words.