Yes, I am having a grizzle. You will probably be tired of me mentioning that I have osteo arthritis but it is with me day after day and although I know there are millions of more unfortunate people than I am, the pain I feel is the pain I live with and of late it is really beginning to get me down.
I take panadol osteo (6 tablets a day when I can fit those doses in) but they are only a very mild pain killer although I do believe they help keep the smaller aches at bay. There are of course stronger painkillers available but when I tried them on two occasions I became zombie-like and it took 24 hours for that effect to wear off.
I may not be able to do very much physically but at least my mental prowess is proving to be quite good. If I take painkillers that would dull my mind then I would have nothing worthwhile to live for. I use my computer quite a lot and perhaps not all that usefully but what I do is what I enjoy and it helps take my mind off myself. For that reason it has to be part of my life. I need my mind to work for me.
Lately I am finding it more and more difficult to do anything which means I have to be on my feetm i.e. cooking, home duties etc. After about 10 minutes the pain seems to take over my entire body until I feel that any moment I could disappear in a puff of smoke. Although that sounds strange, I can't explain it in any other way. Perhaps now the weather has cooled I may once again try walking round our block using my walking frame but even that isn't all that easy to do.
It is not just getting around that I miss but 'cos my hands are so bad I have had to give up crossstitch (I lived to do that) as I cannot hold a small sewing needle now. I can only knit or crochet for a few minutes at a time and dressmaking is now out too as I am unable to use scissors competently so can't cut out patterns etc. I can still use my machine for straight sewing and mending which at least is eomething.
This is not a happy post today but I just had to get it down to help get some of the grief out of my mind. I know I am having a black day so it is not pleasant reading and forgive me for that. Tomorrow is sure to be better and happier. It just has to be. It might rain and that would be good as I am really looking forward to our winter weather. I promise that I will try not to be so 'down' again. I apologise.