I know I've mentioned before that my one and only son wrote me and the rest of the family on my 70th birthday which was fourteen and a half years ago. Since then none of us have heard a peep out of him but I am fortunate in that his wife has kept in touch via email and also sent photos every now and again. I am ever grateful to Dianne for doing this for me and last month when she celebrated her 56th birthday she sent me a photo of the family taken that day. Not having seen my son for so long I of course noticed a difference in him (less hair for one thing) and it is amazing now how much like his dad (my first husband) he is. Not entirely, but there is definitely a strong likeness. His dad though has more hair and has never had a beard. Last time I saw that beard it was quite dark.
Their daughter Jessica (she apparently prefers Jess these days) looks very much like her mother and I think their son James takes after his mum too. Quite a handsome young man and much taller than both his parents. Jess is now married to Ryan and it was probably he that took this photograph. I'm so glad that someone did anyway and Di thought to email it to me.
Steve and Di had purchased a property in Tasmania several years ago and had several holidays there. Steve actually found work and stayed there on his own a couple of times. Di says it is now becoming too much work and too expensive keeping two largish properties going so the Tassie house has been sold. The home they have here is on 5 acres so a lot of work to keep it up to scratch and it has always looked beautiful. A quite large house with a really beautiful garden. Di has a real green thumb when it comes to growing thing. They are over in Tassie now to fetch the things they want to bring home; the rest will be sold over there.
Whatever Di's motive is for keeping in touch doesn't worry me. I am just so grateful that she has chosen to do so and I have been able to follow the two youngsters growing up, hearing about them going to university and now about their working lives. Jess turned 30 in May and James will be 28 this coming December. It is sad that I've not seen either of them since they were still at school and I often wonder if ever will see them again while I am still here. One never entirely gives up hope. Jess actually did write to me a few years ago but that was a one off
There, now you know about the 'other' family I have. Hope you don't mind me sharing this with you but sometimes I just have to 'let it all out".
You didn't say, and you may not want to, but if you are comfortable saying, what happened?
ReplyDeleteI have had some separation off and on in my family as well through the years. It's hard to explain.
My first husband and I divorced in 1967 when Steve was 10. I later married Phil and S and K lived with us. Phil was a great step-father and helped both of them when needed.
DeleteWe have never had an explanation of why Steve suddenly decided to break all contact with all of us but K seems to think it is something to do with me leaving his dad. His sister also wanted us to leave as she was unhappy as well as me. Steve, being male, probably didn't know anything was wrong at home. This if often the case with adult males who often can't see what is happening around them.
I am not sure that is what you wanted to know or not Sandi.
Steve was always a little difficult but we saw so much of them right up till this sudden loss of contact after Jan 2002. It was a great shock to my hubby and my daughter and her family.
It is heartbreaking, Mimsie. I hope you and he make peace one day. I say that as a daughter who has had a sometimes fractured relationship with her Mom (working on that) and as a Mom who hopes to avoid that happening in her own family. My boys are young, but this is still something I think about because I hear stories like yours and mine. I don't want to have that kind of thing happen in my family. It terrifies me. I suppose that's why I asked. There's not always an answer why, sometimes just a result and broken hearts. Have you tried to talk to him?
DeleteHugs.
I sincerely hope it doesn't happen to you and your boys Sandi. It wasn't even Steve's upbringing as far as I know but his dad was always very self-centred so maybe in the genes as they say.
DeleteI do hope you manage to mend the fracture with your mum. I am sure you will in time. Hugs to you too.
How lovely that Di does keep you in the loop at least a litte bit. They are a good looking family too.
ReplyDeleteThey're not a bad looking lot EC and I am proud of them and what they've achieved in their lives.
DeleteDi has done us a wonderful service keeping in touch as she does and she is a very busy woman with a very special job with a big bank.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteI know of so many sons/brothers who have separated themselves for one reason or another - and sometimes those reasons are only in their own psyche, leaving the rest of the world guessing. Nowt as strange as family. So glad you at least have this occasional contact from the daughter-in-law. YAM xx
I know of families who have had similar things happen although contact is made occasionally.
DeleteI always felt as Steve aged he became a little paranoid (he decided they would build on a 5 acre block so as not to have close neighbours)so maybe his paranoia included me too.
Yes, Di is a real brick for keeping us as close as possible and I know it is not for financial gain as we are only old pensioners on an age pension with a very simple house and a 12 year old car. xx
I understand. For one reason or another the kids split the difference after a divorce and sometimes they just decide to go their own way. I think it's very nice of your DIL to keep you in the loop. They'll always be family and she's a sharp cookie to realize that.
ReplyDeleteThis didn't happen 'after a divorce' but about 35 years further on.
DeleteMy daughter and I always say we should not dwell in the past but it seems Steve, after all that time, began to do and saw something he didn't like, possibly me.
In his dad's case I could understand this happening as his dad was seldom there for him but we always did help if needed and would do so again if asked.
We are certainly grateful to have Di keep us in the loop and it makes us feel there is still feel some closeness with our little 'lost' family. We are not rich so it definitely not for financial gain that she does this.
I think it's wonderful of Dianne to keep in touch and send photos; a shame the kids don't do this on their own now, being grown up as they are; but I shouldn't "throw stones" as it were, my own son rarely gets in touch and his children don't either. At least we are all in the same city, so I can go to see them if I wish. Thing is, the mother is a very difficult person to like.
ReplyDeleteYes River, without Dianne they would be completely lost to me. I too wonder at the grandkids not getting in touch especially when we sent them quite generous 18th and 21st money gifts but it's impossible to know what their dad may have told them about me(us). I am sure Steve suffers from some type of paranoia as he began to get nasty with his dad before all this happened.
DeleteThey live about 10km from us but unfortunately we cant just pop in as we know there would be no welcome from Steve.
I am beginning to think dysfunctional families are the norm in this modern world.