Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Not a What If? this time; well not really.

I realised last week that we had already lived through 7 months of this year and the time is flying past far too fast. I move very slowly these days so the days appear a little longer 'cos it takes me so long to do things. Nevertheless, 7 months have disappeared as in a flash.

It has long been my desire to live and be a nuisance to people until I am 95. The first part is true but not the second (well not really). That only gives me another 18 years and during that time I will become more decrepit than I am now. I can still do a number of things whilst sitting and a few things while standing as long as I don't stand for too long. Walking for any length of time without my wheeled walker is pretty well out of the question so don't get out and about much but this is not a complaint....just a fact.

My daughter recently looked back over the previous 12 months when she celebrated her birthday in July. I have been trying to look back over the past 77+ years and wonder what, if anything, I achieved during those years. OK I've had 2 marriages (the first not so good, the second extremely good) and 2 children both of whom I love but one of whom I haven't seen for nearly 8 years. I am so fortunate in having a loving daughter but she of course is a working girl and has children and grandchildren who demand quite a lot of her time. She can only spread herself just so thinly and I do cherish the time when I do see her, such as us taking her to lunch on said birthday in July. We at least managed a few hours together, the memory of which I cherish.

I also had 6 grandchildren and I feel we did enhance at least some of their lives (and they certainly enhanced ours) by having them stay with us quite often and also taking them on holidays several times,which I know they enjoyed as much as we did as they still talk about those times.

Financial stress sent me back into the work force for many years untiil a car accident put paid to that so I didn't live the life of an ordinary housewife and certainly enjoyed the positions I held over 20 odd years. I guess my working did mean help to family when needed and also those wonderful holidays spent with the grandies. I really didn't want to work but money was short so no choice. I even managed to wangle a half day off every fortnight to spend with my daughter and first granddaughter when there were problems in their lives. Eventually I was able to job share week on and week off and that was a great experience. I regretted having to leave the wonderful job I had but these things happen so no crying over spilt milk. Why that silly young man had to run his truck into the back of my car I will never know but.....it happened.

We (me and my other half) had two glorious holidays in New Zealand during the early 1980s (oh, to go back to that fantastic country again but we are too old now) but the memory of the times spent there are still very fresh in our memories.

I have lost so many people (family and close friends) over past years that it doesn't bear thinking about but think about I must as I miss them so very much. My dear old Dad died 38 years ago and my darling Mum 24 years ago but they are still very close to me as are so many wonderful people I have known and spent quality time with. One can only wonder at times "Why am I still here and they are gone?" No answer to that one as all happenings in life are pretty well random events and we have little control over most of them. I believe it is called the "Chaos Theory" and that certainly sounds like me....completely chaotic most of the time. You probably can notice that in my ramblings but that is just me....my dear husband says I have a 'butterfly mind' flitting from one subject to another : ) Well, why not!!! There is so much to think about all the time.

I wonder if I will still be able to use a computer when I am 95? Now you could call that a "WHAT IF?"

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