CHANGING THE PAST.....IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I hadn't realised that it has been 4 months since I last added anything to my blog. No reason really and although I have plenty of thoughts I am never sure about the propriety of sharing those thoughts with one and all. Perhaps a little bigheaded of me to think that others would even be interested anyway.

I did a few WHAT IF blogs in which I spoke of happenings in the past that possibly changed the direction in which my life went, which of course does happen to all of us.

There is one thing I do often find with What Ifs.....people do let these unavoidable events get them down in later life. I think this happened to my son who just over 8 years ago chose the path of having nothing further to do with his parents or sister. We know not why this happened and yet I fear after many years the fact that his father and I divorced may have him thinking his own What If? Not that his father was a really wonderful father but time lends enchantment and perhaps our son really does believe "What if they hadn't divorced? Would my life have been different?" This from a man who has made his way in the world very successfully much of which, if he was honest, was due to his step-father's encouragement. Still, all that is really another story.

I myself was adopted (as I think I have mentioned previously) and was fortunate to find two very loving new parents and I have never regretted any of that. I have never felt I needed counselling of any kind because of events in my life and part of a poem by Omar Khayyam comes to mind which makes me realise that YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST:

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ
Moves on; nor all thy Piety or Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line
Nor all thy tears wash out a Word of it.

We cannot change past events and to live with regrets sours our minds (and our souls if we indeed do actually have souls) and can make people quite bitter. Even today events happen that make me sad but I can do nothing about them or change the behaviour of others so I must learn to live day to day and try and be thankful for what I do have. (and keep in mind those wise words that Omar wrote so many years ago).

SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT A BLOG I DELETED IN FULL

Today with a heavy heart I wrote exactly how I was feeling about my life in general and how disconnected I had become from nearly everyone in my life.

It did me good to put it into words and I meant all of it but somehow, perhaps being a little too soft, I deleted what I had written in case I should hurt anybody's feelings. This regardless of the fact of just how much mine may have been hurt over past months or even years in some cases.

Earlier this year I was very sad and ended up in hospital as a direct result of this sadness. This may sound somewhat nonsensical but I am sure I am right in saying this. If perhaps I had sat down then and written about how I feel it would have helped me a lot and I would not have become ill. Even tonight I don't feel all that wonderful but am sure I will get through and come out the other side of it.

Even though I have deleted what was written earlier today I still feel the same way but in order to save the feelings of others it is gone from their sight.

I still have my dear other half and he has me and for that I am very thankful and with that I must be content. I also give thanks for my computer through which I do have some contact with others, some of whom are really great people and I am thankful for that contact.

HIP REPLACEMENTS & MRI

A while back I was talking about having an MRI after bi-lateral hip replacements. What I wrote at first was correct as it is apparently about which part of the body is being viewed on the MRI that is important. If it was my head then I would apparently be OK as the lower part of me would not go into the machine. I could not have the lower part of my body go through the machine because of the metal implants. Just wanted to clear that up and say that what my physiotherapist told me was absolutely correct. She just didn't specify why, where etc.

P.S. TO MY LAST POST

Was at my exercise group this week and mentioned about the metal in my hips and having an MRI and two people said they had had MRIs....one who had had a knee replacement and the other a hip replacement. Seems I may have been misinformed about the dangers of me ever having an MRI. Will have to seek further information about this subject as feel it is important enough to know the exact truth.

A STARTLING REVELATION

As those who have read earlier blogs of mine will know I have had 2 total hip replacement ops in the past 15 months. I needed a new Medic Alert bracelet and when speaking to the lady in Adelaide about this she said that "Bilat THR" should most definitely be shown on the medallion and we made it so.
I mentioned this to my physiotherapist recently and her response to me was rather startling: "Yes in case of an accident or similar it needs to be known about your hip ops because if you had an MRI it would kill you". Of course it is magnetic resonancing and you are not allowed to wear anything metal when you have an MRI. I hadn't eveen thought about that but I can now imagine what two lumps of metal (one in each hip) might do. No, I prefer not to think about it but should perhaps tell all my family "just in case".
After hearing this from Jenny my dear hubby several times afterwards would ask me "You do have your Medic Alert bracelet on, don't you?" Don't worry it is on my wrist all the time except when I have a shower but then perhaps I should wear it then too. Who knows,I may just slip and fall in the shower. Sorry, that is just my weird sense of humour taking over. I am sure all will be well but I wonder why we are not told about these things by the medical profession.

DO WE GRIEVE FOR ANIMALS MORE THAN PEOPLE?

That may be a strange question and yes, of course we grieve for family members and friends that die but......I was very sad when I heard that Sam the koala had to be put to sleep 'cos she was very ill - who will ever forget the wonderful pics of the fireman giving her water to drink? - and then this month I felt much sadness when I heard of the death of Mr Percival the pelican from that fantastic movie 'Storm Boy' made in South Australia 1976. He was 33 and he'd had a great life at the Adelaide Zoo with a nice wife and had fathered a number of children.
We see pictures of animals being rescued from some pretty weird and wonderful places and are so relieved they are OK and recently when our dear cat Henry died suddenly in his sleep not only us but our family and friends expressed their sorrow when they heard about his demise. Some of course would say "but he was only a cat". To us of course he was Henry.
What worries me is this....are we being desensitised about what happens to humans, particularly adult ones? There is so much violence depicted on TV (if you choose to watch) and in movies (which I definitely choose not to watch) and then there are those dreadful videos games that young people play where they seem to have the desire to put someone or something to death. On top of all that we hear daily of people being blown up by terrorists and the like; all to what purpose one can't help wondering.
I am beginning to despair about the future of the human race, apart from global warming, because of all the events that are taking place everywhere. I personally cannot understand why people hate each other because of race, religion etc., but then I have always tried to live by the philosophy of "live and let live". I try to respect other peope's beliefs even if I don't understand or agree with them but feel they are entitled to believe what they will as long as those beliefs don't impinge on the lives of others.
I think most of my family members are reasonably tolerant of others but even then there are exceptions which I feel is a pity but it happens.
I don't have many years left on this earth (I am now 77) but I would like to think that there is hope for the human race for many centuries to come and that peace and understanding will take over before total destruction of all that I love about this world takes place.
I have no control over any of it but wish I could leave my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren a legacy of loving each other and living peaceful lives for many years to come.

WHERE IS MY LIFE HEADING?

I began this blog some months back with the intention of airing my thoughts and even going through my life with a series of What If's? It is now one month since I last wrote and I am beginning to think my brain has run dry of worthwhile thoughts. Sounds a dreadful thing to say but when I read blogs by others, including my daughter and granddaughter, I find the words no longer come for me. My daughter writes of being inspired by the seasons as they change and similar things. Why do I not have thoughts of that kind. I guess one day is much like the one just gone or the one that will be tomorrow.

Where exactly is my life heading? I plod, and I mean plod, along day after day getting nowhere in particular and feeling rather useless to myself and to others. I can sit here in front of my computer and have loads of fun but where does that really get me? I am not going anywhere and nor is my life. There are so many household tasks I should be doing but 'cos I can only stand for short bursts I don't tend to do them because I know it will hurt. When sitting here there is very little pain so it is tempting to do this all the time and forget those chores that cause me to ache. Not a wonderful way to look at life but at nearly 78 years of age I begin to wonder......what am I still doing here? I have lost so many dear ones over past years that there's only really me left of all my close friends and relations and my family are great but they are always very busy with many other things to attend to. I am only one person and cannot expect constant attention. I have a wonderful, loving husband but he is approaching 80 years of age so cannot expect him to be on the go all the time either. We are so fortunate to have each other and I in particular to have him. We both have our health problems but together we manage to get on with life, such as it is. We help each other all the time. We seldom have visitors nor do we have anywhere to go that attracts us. They say we should get out and socialise to keep healthy but why must we do so if that is not what we want to do. I keep my mind active if not my body all the time so what else should I do?

This may sound like lots of moaning and groaning but it is not meant to be as I am a quite happy person my nature and love to laugh. Unfortunately these days there is not so much to laugh at as there once was....not even any really good comedy shows on TV. I mean straight comedy not people constantly taking the mickey out of other people and being rude and using bad language. Guess you can say that all this does show I am getting old and I won't say the good old days were always the best but......perhaps in many ways they were.
I sound depressed but I am not but I'd best stop here in case anyone who may bother to read this become depressed on my behalf. Please don't be as I am grateful to have been granted the number of years I have been on this planet but it is going to be an uphill battle to reach the age of 95 but I shall keep on keeping on as well as I am able. The house may be a little dustier than in previous years and the weeds in the garden not dealt with as they once were but they are incidental to what life is really all about. We will get on with it and plod along until....................

95 you ask.........I have always said I would be around that long just to he an annoyance to others. I think the old mind just might last out but not sure about the poor old body but with today's medications who knows??